Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: August 2019

  • Chore Catalyst

    I’m quite delighted the toilet has finally been installed. I’ve been trying to work out what magic led to Gary knuckling down and calling the plumber. I know you are wondering, “Does she not know how to use a phone and call a plumber?” It’s just that house maintenance duties are his, and I know…

  • Toilet Birthday

    Today is my 57th birthday. (Or, as it shall be known, The Day After Gary Said, “Your birthday’s on the 27th, right?”) It’s okay if he forgets, because he already gave me a great (and pricey) gift on Wednesday: he got the second Toto toilet installed. This time it cost three times as much, which…

  • Yard Weeds

    I have noticed a new weed poking up through our lawn and landscaping. You know what it is? It’s a peanut plant. For just a moment I actually thought, “Huh. How did I get peanuts in my yard?” Of course, I didn’t put the peanuts in the yard, Gary gave them to the squirrels and…

  • Onions

    So, as I say, we have a problem with onions. We love them, but they make Gary’s eyes burn. It’s the gasses that make you cry, evidently, and when I chop up a gallon of them as I do when I’m making onion soup, even I will cry. One thing I did the last time…

  • Sneaky Stuff

    One week ago I took a vacation day on a Thursday. Why Thursday? Because that’s the day Gary is out of the house, and I can do all the surreptitious sneaky stuff I can’t do while Gary’s around. I rushed around and I … Painted the Foundation. This was tiresome. Due to time constraints I…

  • Review: Once Upon a Time … In Hollywood

    The beginning of Once Upon a Time … In Hollywood is intriguing, and very Tarantino. The atmosphere and music are dead-on. (For days now, Brother Love’s Traveling Salvation Show has been stuck in my head. It goes away sometimes, but then someone will mention babies or old ladies and it will come back.) But, a…

  • Celebrate

    Last Saturday I found Gary and sang (to the tune of Celebrate by Kool and the Gang): “Cel-e-brate drive-way, comeon!” At long last (specifically one month) Gary has deemed the driveway accessible to all. He says he is now comfortable if a truck gets on it, even a plumbing truck. He claims he will call…

  • Changes

    I was driving down Lindbergh and I went past all the typical landmarks: the airport, the Andes building where Mom worked, the Monsanto exit – and in place of the Monsanto exit I saw this: I mean, I knew it was coming, now that Monsanto (universally hated evil corporation) has merged with Bayer (universally hated…

  • Dolman Sleeves

    A saleswoman approached me while I was looking at clothes. Because I was at the swanky Plaza Frontenac, it somehow felt wrong to say, “I’m just looking,” because of course I wasn’t just looking, I was looking and touching. I wasn’t pawing at the merchandise, in fact I was delicately holding it between thumb and…

  • Gary’s Drug Adventure

    Gary’s very particular about his anti-seizure medication, because he feels the effects in his brain immediately. He’s finally settled on a particular generic of Tegretol. The doctors insist the generic is exactly the same as the original, but Gary claims he can tell. The pharmacy sent him the generic this last month, only this time…