Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: August 2019

  • Gary and His New Friends

    Last week we went out to lunch. I went to the bathroom, came back, and found Gary talking to all six people at the next table. “YOU KNOW SOME PEOPLE WON’T EAT BOLOGNA BUT HOW COULD YOU NOT EAT IT HERE IT’S REALLY GREAT EVERYTHING HERE IS GREAT.” (Salt and Smoke on St. Charles Main…

  • Pants Demographic

    Remember these pants? I bought them to wear to the opera, the same day I bought the long vest and the duster and the colorful kimono. I loved wearing them to the opera, because they dance and move as I trudge along. I hadn’t worn them since the opera, but last month I wore them…

  • Sick Sink

    I was cleaning out the refrigerator and found a Tupperware dish containing half cherries and half green mold. (Optimistically, half-full of cherries.) Gary saw we dumping the glop down the garbage disposal. “WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU CAN’T DO THAT! IT POISONS THE SINK!” I stopped. “What are you talking about?” “YOU CAN’T PUT THAT…

  • New Treat for Me

    Evidently Red Lobster heard me complaining that all their crab is in the shell, and they have invented a treat to ensure my loyalty. I don’t think they’re really trying to make something to please me. I know that because they only promise a “crab-and-seafood blend,” but they’re closer. It’s no Bailey’s ice cream, but…

  • New Treat for Gary

    What is Gary’s favorite drink? Bailey’s Irish Cream. What is Gary’s favorite treat? Premium ice cream. What have they invented just so Gary can have both his favorite things at once? The box claims that “For this indulgent treat, we topped a rich dark chocolate cookie with luscious Irish Cream infused ice cream swirled with…

  • Federal Spending

    The other day I was listening to a news report on the proposed federal spending, and it occurred to me — since both parties sneer at the opposition’s spending — I thought I should look at some pie charts for different adminstrations and see how they compare. I compared Federal Spending for 1998 (Clinton), 2009…

  • Odd Things You Find on Facebook

    Okay, I like organization. I like upcycling. I thought I’d like this artice I saw on Facebook: 30 New Ways to Use Your Old Stuff. This article was an atrocity. There were two suggestions right off that claimed to improve junk drawer organization using teacup saucers or clean tuna fish cans. Well yes, but if…

  • Buffalo

    Recently I had buffalo mozzarella at Friend Anne’s, who taught me this fun fact: Buffalo mozzarella? Not invented in Buffalo, New York. (Buffalo chicken wings were, though). Nor is it made from the milk of the American buffalo. It is made from the milk of the Italian water buffalo. Water buffalo like this bad boy.…

  • Paint Update

    So back at the end of April, I gave up on my oil painting of Gary in Bath. Since then, I have a) decided the previous one was a “study” and b) decided I’m painting, not drawing, and that God invented carbon paper for a reason. So, after I repositioned some things I traced Gary’s…

  • Past Birthdays

    I was trying to remember what Gary got me for my birthday last year. I know I get an entire month of playing the Birthday Month card, and using it to win every argument, and that Gary does all the chores, but it is nice to unwrap one thing. Then I remembered I have a…