Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: March 2019

  • Spring Cleaning

    I understand why people wait until spring to clean. Everything looks so filthy in the winter light anyway, so why bother? You clean, and then the sun shines a floodlight at floor level and every speck of dust casts a foot-long shadow. But last week I was outside and the air was full of oxygen,…

  • Cookbook

    So here is my 1,000+ page America’s Test Kitchen Cookbook. (Sans dust jacket: dust jackets are bogus). I am very excited.

  • Snare Drum

    I was sitting in the balcony at Powell Hall, listening to the Messiah last Christmas, when I asked Anne, “Do you feel that? Is this entire row of seats vibrating like the balcony’s about to collapse?” “Not that I’ve noticed,” she said, calmly. At intermission I walked about and was able to report that either…

  • UPDATED: I Weigh In On the Saint Louis Bagel Controversy

    I went out, and while I was getting the car washed, a Saint Louisan tweeted this photo of vertically sliced bagels: His tweet says, “Today I introduced my co-workers to the St. Louis secret of ordering bagels bread-sliced. It was a hit!” And then of course the internet turned on him. Can you imagine, you…

  • Gary’s Birthday

    A week ago, on Gary’s birthday, I called him to see if he wanted some acknowledgment of his day. We have this debate every year. Gary feels that since he is celebrated and pampered every day of his birthday month, any celebration on the actual day is moot. Every day in March is his birthday.…

  • Pixies/Weezer

    When a friend posted on Facebook that he had to unload some Pixies tickets, I thought back to our missed Pixies concert. “This is meant to be,” I said. After an easy transaction the tickets were on my printer. And, even better, the seats were great: And, even better, when I posted that photo on…

  • Muzak Timeslip

    I went in to Wendy’s the other day for what must have been the first time in thirty years. Last time I went there, the burgers were square and the tables looked like this: The tables no longer have the antique newspaper ads printed on them, and I can’t tell you if the burgers are…

  • Sin Upon Sin

    8:45 am: apple for breakfast, because I am visiting the new Dapper Donut mini-donut franchise and I don’t want to be hungry. Just one donut. 9:00: Minimum order of donuts is three. I order three. Gary balks at three. Gary overrides me and orders 24. 9:01: Three hot mini-donuts for brunch. 9:02: Eight hot mini-donuts…

  • Progress of Bath Face

    Here is where we last left the Face of Gary in the Roman Baths: I scribbled away with the marine blue to get the values right. This is how it looks now – his face needs to get a wash of pink so it isn’t so blue: His mouth still isn’t right. He just looks…

  • The Torture of the Self-cleaning Oven

    I opened the oven the other night and of course, smoke billowed out of it, and Gary began yelling. “Gary, calm down. That’s not the food burning, it’s the stuff that dripped on to the oven floor the last time we cooked something.” “Well can’t you clean that up?” “I would if I were ever…