Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: March 2019

  • Crust, Continued

    Of all the crusts I have made since my big crust breakthrough, I would say all told only 40 percent of them were good. Most were sandy, or tough, or tender to the point of dissolving. I just could not get a reliable result even though I felt the raw dough was consistently the same.…

  • Pie of Lies

    When I was diagnosed twenty years ago someone, probably my neurologist, drew a pie chart that showed that when diagnosed, 10% of people with MS have the mild kind, 40% have the relapsing-remitting kind, and half have the progressive kind. I was in the 40%. “Cool,” I thought. Already, I was winning. Then, he divided…

  • Latest Oil Painting

    My latest painting attempt: I want to reproduce this photo of Gary in Bath: So far, it looks like this: They had to cozy up to go from the landscape photo to the square canvas. I sketched the outline in paint before I decided I might want to glaze instead of alla prima. Next step:…

  • New Apollo 11 Documentary

    Gary is a still a little sick, so I left him at home while I went to watch the new Apollo 11 documentary. Summary: Do you get excited when you hear there are lost episodes of The Honeymooners or I Love Lucy? This is The Moon: the Lost Episodes. Remember that beautiful footage of rocket…

  • Spam Spam Spam Spammity Spam

    Recently I read my gMail spam folder. It’s all scams: they’ll send a huge payout if I send them what seems like a relative pittance. Scammers have branched out from the Nigerian prince’s millions and are promising a variety of things as payout. The most intriguing was a red diplomatic box I supposedly forgot in…

  • Eureka Springs

    Mom would stock up on groceries in the fall and then not set foot out of her house all winter. “I am in for the duration,” she would say. It looks like I will be in for the duration as well, given the viruses wafting about in the dry air, and the ice storms, and…

  • Disease, Continued

    If I have been sick in the last two weeks, and you have been sick as well, then God help you. Our conversation goes one of two ways: You: *Sneezes*Me: “OH DO YOU HAVE A COLD?” (Makes Sign of Cross, leaves) or You: “Ugh, I just got over the worst cold last week.”Me: “Oh! I…

  • What Passes for News

    This story was on the local news a few days ago. It’s the tale of Saint Louisans who rally and come to the funeral of a local veteran who had no relatives. I anticipate that I will die with no relatives. I have a brother who isn’t in good health, I had step-relatives but we…

  • Gravity is my Dumbwaiter

    We store extra toilet paper in the basement.

  • Late Fifties Comedies

    I have a soft spot for late fifties comedies. You know, the ones with the cartoon-like soundtracks, in which a trombone makes a wah-wah editorial comment after a particularly wry joke. The ones with a calypso number in the middle. The ones that, for some mystifying reason, cost $3.99 on Amazon Prime. I recently watched…