Five more days until the next Election Day. I have these plans:
Vote at the crack of dawn. There’s no early voting in our state, so you have to go to the polls on the day of. (There are absentee ballots you can mail in early, but I’d have to lie on the form, since I have no reason like age or infirmity, and I fear someone will find out and tear up my vote.) I planned to work from home, so we could go at a low-turnout hour like 10 am.
“NO” Gary shrieked, “WE HAVE TO GO REALLY EARLY AND BE THE FIRST IN LINE!”
“But, hon, I can go any time of day since I can work from -“
“WE HAVE TO BE FIRST IN LINE! WE’RE A SWING STATE!”
“But it doesn’t matt – “:
“Vote! First! Then we can go out to breakfast.”
Ignore the polls, including the exit polls. (Yeah, I’m looking at you, Nate Silver.) Granted, ignoring the polls will make everything much more stressful, especially since, as I say, we’re a swing state for a tight Senate race and things aren’t currently a cakewalk for my buddy Claire.
Stress eat all night. I have to shop for stress snacks this weekend. I plan to turn orange from eating 10 pounds of baby carrots. I will go with baby carrots unless the Senate seat turns red, in which case I will shove my head in the leftover Halloween candy and starting chewing, wrappers and all.