A Victory Via Amazon

My brother asked for what he thought was a simple birthday present. He wants a locking metal trash can so his dog will stop pillaging the trash when my brother is out. He can’t muzzle this dog: evidently she chews through muzzles. It can’t be a plastic trash can because she likes the taste of plastic, it is second only to vinyl vertical shades in lip-smacking tastiness. And my brother can’t just out the trash can behind a Doerr that latches because that isn’t how his house is configured.

I hunted for a locking trash can. I got close with one that was plastic (yummy yummy plastic) and one the dog could pry open with her nails and jaws. I thought I was close when I went on a baby-proofing tangent, but evidently all baby-proofing devices are also made of tasty plastic.

I was again looking at the $100 simpleHuman trash can that the dog would have just pried apart, and Amazon told me that based on my recent searches for “dog proof trash can” and “trash can lock,” might I be interested in their simpleHuman dog food bins? Air tight, all metal, locking, impervious to dog jaws. And look at this. Is this not a trash can by another name?

I’m hoping this will meet all specifications. If it does I will count it as one of my best Gifts of the Holy Grail, in which I am asked to find impossible gifts by loving family members. Just another example of looking at a problem from another point of view: in this case the dog’s point of view, given that she see’s one man’s trash as her pet food.