Where the Elite Meet to Eat

Sunday, when Gary suggested we eat breakfast at Bob Evans next door to our hotel, I moaned. “It’s a chain. Why not get some Southern cooking since we’re in Nashville?” But, only the security of Bob Evans would do.

I ignored everything but my food and Gary. Gary got extra attention because we were trying to resolve a fight. (This vacation fight has been worse than usual: an endless loop of the “Duties of the car co-pilot” fight.)

After our contentious breakfast I got up to leave and noticed the young African American man at the next table. Here, recorded, are my thoughts.

1. That man looks just like Kanye West.
2. He looks like Kanye because he has a nice smile and because I am a bigot.
3. Oh and, he’s wearing the same style of sunglasses Kanye West wears.
4. It would be too funny if that girl he’s with was Kim Kardashian.
5. Holy shit that’s Kim Kardashian.

By then I’d walked past the table, went around the corner, stopped for Gary to catch up and whispered, “That was Kim and Kanye at the next table.”
“Yup,” he murmured, as he blew past me. So cool about the celebrities.
When we got outside, he said, in astonishment, “That must be their limousine!”

And there was indeed a stretch limo across the parking lot.

He said, “Wow! I wish I’d seen them.”
“You saw them. You were all cool about it. ‘Yup,’ you said, like, of course Kimye sat next to us at the Bob Evans.”
“No, I just said that to shut you up and so we wouldn’t insult some random black man by mistaking him for Kanye West.”
“Serves you right then.”
“You could at least have given me a heads up,” he pouted.
“I think, ‘That was Kim and Kanye at the next table’ is a pretty good heads up.”
“Damn. That’s true.”

Even still, even with the limo sighting, I wondered why they were at Bob Evans in Opryland. Turns out, they’re on a road trip across America and stopped in Nashville to see the Beyonce concert at the Grand Old Opry.

Later, after a decent interval, when the risk of a paparazzi attack was over, I texted far too few people about the event.

Hot Mom wanted to know if Baby North West was there. I replied No. She wrote, “F*cking rich people, getting to eat their Bob Evans without hauling the newborn around with them.”

The only sign I saw of any baby is that there was a fair amount of material around Kim’s midriff. They looked very happy. Kanye had a big smile and Kim was smiling down at her plate contentedly.

Later I tweeted to her that Cracker Barrel is a better breakfast, except for the biscuits. No reply.

Pisses me off that after decades of high quality hotels we run into Kimye next to the Guesthouse International hotel, $99 a night.