Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: April 2013

  • Over the Top

    Yesterday I read Big Dot’s excellent essay on the pleasures of hauling ones self unassisted along the Inca Trail, instead of taking the “glamping” route, which she protests is “not right, turning it into some cushy outing with canapes and high thread-count pillowcases, for goodness sake. Wrong! Totally, totally wrong … I really can’t believe…

  • The Day of the Peecough

    The cough is epic, violent, and shakes me to my core. It’s the cough that ends with “uuueeuuuugggnn,” a mewly little moan that says why, why me, why must I cough this way. All the cough syrups in the house are useless. When I realized they were all expired, Gary brought home more equally useless…

  • hebbo

    I have hit that phase of the head cold when you pull on your lower lip and try to dry it out until it cracks. You stretch the lip out and breathe across it, or drag your knuckles across it, whatever you need to do to make your lower lip pulled and dry as an…

  • Misery

    I am so disgusted. I thought I was so well. I was eating extra fruits and veggies and proteins. I was full of energy, feisty even, and then I went into a slow decline this week and spun out last night when I got a fever and a wicked sore throat. One of those sore…

  • Spunky Labia International Toe Porn Superstar Relaxes at Home

    Spunky says, why doesn’t Netflix have any decent movies?

  • Earring

    On Maundy Thursday, a week and a half ago, I was in the basement of the TeddyJ parking garage and saw this earring dangling on the phone jack outside the elevator. I picked up the earring, then I tried to put it back. Couldn’t do it. It fell on the floor three or four times,…

  • I am Fifty and I am So Hot

    Before I begin, I want to make sure I define my terms. Hot flash: You get warm, then hot, then hotter than you have ever been, then twice as hot as that. That’s a hot flash, right? Before this weekend I have had ONE hot flash in my life, perhaps a year ago. But for…

  • Time Lapse Garage Photography of the Last Day and a Half

    My garage, yesterday evening (I only took a photo of the left side because it was so horrible): Yesterday at midnight This morning: And now! The right side! The right side which Gary likes because it looks like all the tools are standing at attention: The scandalous left side: And the particularly glorious panorama! Embiggen…

  • Gary’s Birthday Gift

    Gary said his gift was the clean basement, but on the actual day of his birth I impulsively got him a device you can attach to your iPad that projects and magnifies the screen contents equivalent to a 60″ TV screen. It only took him a second to hook it up and then Chinese women…

  • The Drive Home

    When you go out to an event with Caroline, the event doesn’t matter: the drive matters. Caroline is always willing to explore strange new roads, to seek out new houses with holiday displays or all the belongings in the front yard, to boldly go in to Bridgeton to show me how much it really does…