Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: December 2012

  • I Become Even More Continental

    While researching Gary’s interest in light Swedish literature, I facilitated my search for an FHM cover by changing my Google language perference to Swedish. I noticed when I changed back that one of my language choices was “Bork bork bork.” “Well, that’s stupid,” I thought, then I went to my preferences to change it back.…

  • We Are Very Continental

    This morning I: Ate English muffins and drank English tea. Watched Downton Abbey. Went online and ordered Swedish cheese and French butter (and Belgian butter and Spanish saffron, German bread, and Italian Guanciale). Of course, Gary is enjoying the continent as well. He has left Maxim behind in favor of a “Swedish magazine.” “All the…

  • A Loss for Words

    Ugh, nasty day. I woke up with a headache, then the blender flung boiling potato-leek soup on my right boob and arm. (Gary’s reaction when he heard: “BUTTER! Put butter on it right now!” Luckily he was not home at the time, so it’s faded to just two small blisters. And my boob isn’t buttered.)…

  • A Christmas Miracle

    I brought Gary to the Home Depot where I showed him the shelves I have lusted after for over a year. He also fell in lust and a three-way with the shelves is planned for this weekend. Or, a seven-way, because we got five sets of shelves. Boring, you say? No. Imagine them on wheels,…

  • Christmas Gift From Gary

    Well, the day has passed without an actual gift. He suggested a gift of Technology, but I refused to let him buy an Apple TV. I fail to see the purpose for an Apple TV if I have a TiVo. Movies? I can download any movie from Amazon right to the TiVo. I understand I…

  • Christmas Gift for Gary

    Long ago, a few years after Gary bought the Fit, he saw the steering wheel showed some wear. He called our Honda dealership and they said that particular steering wheel, the one that came with the red trim package, was custom, and if he wanted a new one he’d need to buy a whole new…

  • Just a Link, Really

    I read an article on Cracked last week that I enjoyed immensely. I’m not the only one: it has become one of the week’s trending posts. I recommend you read the whole article here, but you could also read the outline below. The outline doesn’t have the excellent Cracked writing style or the videos of…

  • Rage

    I stepped off the elevator at work and I could hear Marcia hollering about something. Stomping. Cussing. Marcia’s been counting down to January 1st, when we both hit our fifth year and earn three weeks of vacation. This morning the boss of all bosses sent an email announcing that starting in the new year, people…

  • Ancestry

    A wild hair tickled me and I got the free subscription to Ancestry.com. Is it just me, or is geneology depressing? The first set of relatives I looked for was Jerry the Dead Technical Father and his kin. And how’;s this for a commercial, I looked on the family tree and there I was. I…

  • Gary’s Taste In Magazines

    Since he got his own iPad, Gary’s magazine selections have morphed from Life and Style and Us Weekly to Maxim. Sadly, he was only a Maxim man for a few short weeks, during which he told me dirty jokes he had read in Maxim and showed me several erotic photos of cheeseburgers and martinis. This…