My Yahoo news has a feature in the upper right hand corner: “News For You,” which seems to be the daily news customized for my salacious tastes. I’ve been noticing my stories have been sliding down to the National Enquirer end of the scale.Recently I followed The Face Eating Saga. (The latest: Zombie man didn’t even swallow, the loser.) Since then, Yahoo feels there is no story too violent for me. Currently my selected news stories are: Fla. woman doused in gas, set on fire at 7-Eleven, Woman Accused of Torching Boyfriend, and The Dingo Really Did Take Her Baby.
I do not prefer the violent stories. Instead, I like the stories in which parents go wrong. I can put myself in their place and fantasize about the press I would enjoy because I can see myself doing all those things.
I would totally leave my child behind in a bar, even if I were PM. I spent a summer in a bar, allegedly under the watch of my grandfather. As Prime Minister, I would assume the entourage had the baby. As a teen I would drive off with a bby in a baby seat on my roof. Even without the apparently massive amounts of pot.
I would duct tape my babies diapers to the counter, and I would leash them to the dining room table. I can’t find links for those things: I’d just do them. They make sense.
However, I would not do this: I would not strap my kids to the hood of the car and drive them home. Sure, I’d be tempted: it does sound like something a kid would like.
I know I could get the “NEWS FOR YOU” corner to present at least one stupid parent story a day.
5 responses to “An Editorial About the News”
My mother leashed me (in a harness) to a doorknob in the hallway when I was 3 or 4, because she couldn’t be bothered taking me with her for a quick bike trip up the road to the corner shop. I STILL REMEMBER IT! I thought I’d done something wrong and was being punished. Poor little me!
I remember being so envious of my cousins who got to ride in the open back (this was the 1960s) of my uncle’s pick-up truck. It was wonderful. Unlike a convertible, there was the real chance that if you went over railroad tracks, you could get slung out of the truck. Whee!
Big Dot – Actually, that does sound like an unpleasant childhood experience. Your Mom should have leashed you a few times while she was there to desensitize you. Becs – That is something for our bucket lists! Ride in the back of a truck. On long car trips I slept on the “sill” by the back window of the car. I think my Hansel and Gretel book had the kids sleeping in similar little nooks. It was great.
Meh, I already did it. It’s fun if you’re ten and don’t care about your hair.
Becs – I remembered I’d been on a hayride. I guess it’s the same.