This is how Gary perceives his 401k.
He shrieks, “I am just throwing my money away!”
I tell him*, ‘There are two numbers on the statement. Total amount of currency. Total amount of shares. Your money doesn’t go into the currency total. They buy shares with your money. If the market goes down 30%, and your currency total goes down, that means they can buy 30% more shares this month with your money. Currency goes down? Shares go up. Look at both totals.’”
This reassures him until the next market drop. AND THEN IT ALL BEGINS AGAIN. Because he only looks at his currency total, and he only looks at it on days the market drops.
My brother has also needed reassurance the past month, which is ironic since he is 100% in GNMA (Ginny-mae), the only security guaranteed by the United States government. He’s not even IN stocks. Still, he keeps calling me, moaning.
My Men! Should not handle the monies.
*Of course, this is not advice, because I really know nothing.
6 responses to “Talking Gary Down From the Ledge”
How true. When they get to a certain age it’s all they talk about.
Funniest analogy ever. (Yes, it’s one-fucking-oh-five in the morning.)
We just had the “OMG, I’m losing all my monies” discussion in the office this morning. We can’t actually look at the site which tells us how our respective funds are doing from our office computers – so everything is based on how their funds did yesterday. Also, I don’t give a rats ass because I can’t retire for another 17 years minimum; unless our rules change then who knows when.
Hattie – I’m always stunned to hear myself talking about retirement funds. And I think the age you speak of is the age at which they start thinking they couldnt find another job.
Marcia – Say hi to your sister for me! And you really should watch south park. Often, it’s funny.
Amy in StL – But, then today you got a lot of your monies back! Ding! It’s back! Make sure you check before you leave for work.
I can’t understand what they’re saying in South Park. And from I’ve seen on the closed captions, I’m not missing much. Just doesn’t do it for me.
Becs – I don’t love every episode, but I do love the ones when the little kids sass their parents (usually in absentia) and just do what they want. “[Bleep] you, Mom! I do what I want!” And the recurring love affair between Satan and Saddam was great.