Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: July 2011

  • Now That the Shuttle Program is Almost Over…

    … I can tell you how I really feel about the space shuttle. LAME. I waited ten years after the Apollo program for a plane? A plane that goes up to low earth orbit, whoop-ti-dozzz – zzz – huh? Wha? Fell asleep there watching your lame-ass plane touch down with the dinky pointless parachutes “helping”…

  • Toilet Brush

    In my youth, the brush used to scrub the toilet could be found in the closet with the other cleaning supplies. I used it once a week. Of course, I cleaned the toilet. I was the only one without asthma, polio, or cancer. Well, now that I have MS, I feel that’s a “Get Out…

  • The Beauties of Nature

    Anne at Work let me know there is a plant called Giant Hogweed blooming in New York. Giant Hogweed looks like Queen Anne’s Lace that grew twice as tall as a human. If you are exposed to the sap, you might be fine at first, but if the sap on your skin is exposed to…

  • I Immediately Emailed Gary and Told Him I Would Never Do This

    Lorena Bobbit, but worse. Lorena just winged the severed penis into a field. This woman ground it up in a garbage disposer. “She told arriving officers ‘he deserved it’ before pointing to the room where the victim was found bleeding profusely.” Horrible. Who would do that to a penis? Penises are happy bouncy things. Don’t…

  • Like Visual-Spatial Perception, but for Tongues

    Gary is on the red and yellow grape tomato diet, so I am on my own for dinner. I decided gourmet sandwiches would be a good easy dinner for one. I went to the grocery without a recipe. It’s a sandwich! I thought it would be fun to invent some sandwiches. White and pumpernickel bread.…

  • Numbers and Errands and Fees

    … put me in a foul mood. Do other states / countries have to deal with this b.s.? I need to renew Gary and my license plates this last month. So, I must do the easy stuff (get my passport to take to the department of revenue, check that I have my recent insurance card…

  • Spunky at the Spa

    Painting / carpeting / re-wiring Mom’s house has added up to a debt that will take several months to knock down. Spunky Labia, International Toe Porn Superstar, is helping with the family finances: she’s turned her heel on the snooty West County salon and spends half as much instead at the local mall. She even…

  • Crazy on the Loose

    Crazy man named Shannon! Loose in The Lou! (He stopped to tie his shoe. He knew just what to do.)Actually, he ran across a parking lot and out of sight. He has been gone all day. This sounds like one of those situations where Shannon the crazy man is actually Shannon the fifty year old…

  • A New Phillip K. CHICK Movie

    The Adjustment Bureau must be the most poorly marketed movie I have ever seen. This would be Gone With the Wind if they’d marketed it as a war movie. Star Wars if they’d said it was a quirky indie film. Reservoir Dogs? Animated film about puppies. What would you assume from this poster? 1. Emily…

  • Closure

    Closure on Words With FriendsThere are several downsides to Words With Friends. First, I can’t play WWF if Gary is around. I can’t play even if the man is watching Stargate and I am only in his peripheral vision. I can’t play if he is reading his email on his Blackberry. I certainly can’t go…