Painting / carpeting / re-wiring Mom’s house has added up to a debt that will take several months to knock down. Spunky Labia, International Toe Porn Superstar, is helping with the family finances: she’s turned her heel on the snooty West County salon and spends half as much instead at the local mall. She even chose a less conspicuous nail color so maintenance is easier.
In the middle of today’s pedicure, the ESL pedicurist stopped delicately rubbing the callous shaver over Spunky’s heels and said “Lotion.”
The Appendage answered, “Oh, I know, I buy lotion and then I never use it. I’m supposed to put in on my heels before I sleep, but I always get up in the middle of the night and then I make footprints across the wood floor.”
“Clear … thin …” the pedicurist said, and then went to great pains to explain Saran Wrap without knowing the words cellophane or Saran Wrap or Glad Wrap. The appendage kept saying “Yes! Saran Wrap,” and even mimed tearing off a sheet of plastic wrap and getting it all stuck together.
Then the Appendage thought, you know, this doesn’t sound like a good idea. This does not add up to a safe cross-section: heel, lotion, cellophane, floor.
The pedicurist said “Your feet very pretty, curvy. Need to look nice.”
Spunky gave her a ten dollar tip. And since the woman had appealed to Spunky’s vanity, we gave it a shot.
(Really, those toes are painted. It’s just a flesh shade.)
Spunky and I have been walking carefully through the house, feet in lotion-smeared Saran Wrap tucked into slippers, and it is kind of like driving on ice with sport tires.
There needs to be a better way. This cannot be safe. “Don’t get up in the middle of the night,” is not an option. On the other hand, Spunky is very pretty and must not have goat heels. What to do?
7 responses to “Spunky at the Spa”
I used to have a pair of spa socks I bought at Bath and Body works. They had little rubber treads on the outside and a gel lotiony inside. Can you sleep in socks? I couldn’t so I have an old pair of footie socks I cut the toe out of and sleep with those on my heels.
My thoughts exactly: socks. Unless you need the extra heat that’s caused by wrapping the feet in sweaty plastic, in which case: clingfilm then socks. Not very comfortable, but as my mother was fond of saying, Pride must bear a pinch. And Spunky is a hard task-master. (My mother never said that, in her life.)
Amy in StL – I looked those up, but the times I have fallen asleep in socks they liberate themselves. As did the Saran wrap last night.Big Dot – No, I need the slime blocker you get from the plastic. To be fair, I did remember today that she said to mix the lotion with honey. Perhaps that makes the clingfilm (hm) stay in place. I can picture the dog digging his tongue under the socks and past the wrap to the honey.
Ooh – honey makes my skin feel really soft. All the facial masks I love have honey in them. Still, I have ugly feet, and don’t know why I bother removing the dead skin or putting on lotion.
Tami- I bother, no just to please the Spunkmistress, but because once I complained to the neurologist about a strange feeling in my heel that was throwing me off balance, but then I got my heels pared down and it went away.
Dollar General. It has these…spa sock things. Put on the lotion, put on the spa socks and they tend to stay on.
Country Girl – The socks I had on last night both came off my feet. I do know I repetitively rub my feet together if I’m falling alseep. Maybe I do it in my sleep too. But, Dollar General – it might be worth it.