I had an earwig today. I couldn’t place it. It was an overdriven guitar intro. I told Gary I needed to go home and play it on my bass to get it out of my head. I was under the impression it was “Kashmir.”
Got home, listened to Kashmir. Kashmir goes: “Babdadum, badadum; badadum, badadum: badadum, badadum.” (Pay careful attention to the punctuation there. There’s a subtle nuance between the colon and semi-colon up there.)
Not Kashmir. But, I looked up “famous classic rock intro” and got a good lead. The overdriven sound was totally Black Sabbath. And it went: “Ba, ba DA-DA-DA DAAA … DA.” in kind of a descending fashion.
“Gary! What the hell is this song? Ba, ba DA-DA-DA DAAA … DA.”
“I know that one. Only it’s lower. (ba, ba da-da-da daaa … da.) And then they go: ‘Aghahgsgaga!’” He waved his arms in the air to punctuate the ‘Aghahgsgaga!’ “And then the drums come in!”
He said it was totally Black Sabbath, and he had it on his iTunes right now, and if I searched on our iTunes we would find it. But we didn’t. Then he said it was possibly Def Leppard, and we looked into that, but no.
“Marcia will know,” I announced, and then moved toward my phone to call Marcia.
Usually this would be when Gary would bellow “NO IT’S NINE FORTY FIVE AT NIGHT YOU CANNOT CALL MARCIA” but no, Gary said, “Good idea, call her.”
Backstory: The Beleaguerment.
About a week ago Marcia was bitten in her beautifully appointed condo by a brown recluse spider. ISYN. (I Shit You Not, for you elderly ladies.) The bite oozed and seeped and spread and was indeed from one of four (FOUR) brown recluses she found in her condo. For some reason she continued to stay there. As of today she’d caught another spider, had the exterminator out, had the plumber out to make the condo less appealing to the brown recluses, and been to the doctor to get steroids. So of course now that she can actually close her eyes and sleep instead waiting up for the spiders to get her, now is when I call.
“HeLOOO?” she asked.
“Did I wake you?”
“Yes.”
I thought for a second about explaining that usually I would have texted her but this required me to sing these seven notes, but I just wanted off the phone.
“Earwig. Quick. What’s this song? Ba, ba DA-DA-DA DAAA … DA. It’s classic rock, so I know you’ll know it.”
“How’s it go?”
“Ba, ba DA-DA-DA DAAA … DA.”
“Okay, I got it, I’ll think on it.”
“K bye.”
Now, I hoped she’d mutter “Fuck off,” throw the phone off the bed, roll over and go back to sleep.
I went to my guitar, tuned it, and plucked out the first four notes. E, E G-E …
Marcia called at 10:15.
She started with, “You complete bitch.” (Justified.) “It isn’t classic rock, it’s the White Stripes.”
I said, “It can’t be the White Stripes -“
“AUGGHGSAAAHAHHA!” Gary said. “That’s it! The White Stripes!”
Then she tried to play Seven Nation Army over her phone, and I said I believed her. And I think I thanked her. But I didn’t really believe her because the song in my head is FAMOUS. And the White Stripes are not.
Gary of course called it up on his iTunes and OF COURSE MARCIA WAS RIGHT.
I wondered, why would some obscure White Stripes song be in my head? Weird.
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Sigh. While I was typing this post to salve my conscience, I was also halfway watching the Colbert Report. I looked up and there was a clip of motherfucking Jack White from the White Stripes.
“NO!” My cry was interrupted by, “Ba, ba DA-DA-DA DAAA … DA.” Of course, they must have played that song all week. (I immediately paused it. Now I’m un-pausing. Damn it. Now they’re singing it. Bastards. Mocking me.)
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If you want to get this earworm, you can listen to the whole sample: here.
17 responses to “In Which I Abuse My Friendship With Beleaguered Friend #3”
Earworm, earwig, brown recluse spiders (God, never heard of THEM before, but they’re clearly sinister) – far too many insects in this post for undisturbed sleep tonight. Thanks.
“In 2001, more than 2,000 brown recluse spiders were removed from a heavily infested home in Kansas…” (Wiki)
Yeah, as I said, thanks.
Big Dot – Damn! Used it entirely wrong.
Big Dot- Oh, but I got it right there at the end.
Actually, “earwig” sounds like “earworm” gone horribly wrong. And there is a nice bug motif going on here.
But I didn’t like the song. Then again, I liked Damn Yankees and Def Leppard. So.
Lately, my earworm has been “Silver Springs” by Fleetwood Mac and that vengeful, heartbroken Stevie Nicks.
Big Dot – Have you heard about the snake house?
Gee, that was kind of you. Much appreciated.
I found a very large spider in my house a couple weeks ago and drowned it with bug spray. My boyfriend retrieved the corpse several days later – or lied to me about it being there which is just as good. I’m pretty sure that if I found a brown recluse spider (or four FOUR!) in my condo I’d move. Even if I had to move home with my parents… ugh.
Wolf spiders! Big as your hand. Bigger! All over in Florida, especially new construction.
Maybe you should send her flowers.
Becs – Just checked it out. Never heard it before.Big Dot – Did you see “Wolf Spiders in Florida?” That was from Becs. Amy in StL – The irony is that she previously lived five miles from Friend 4 and I, and it was all nothing but complaints. Now she’s in Chesterfield and she can put up with deadly spiders. Hmph.Becs – A boss told a tale at lunch about finding a wolf spider in a tennisshoe and killing it by baking it and the shoe in an oven. (Beer was involved.)Allison – Maybe. Instead, I put The Hamster Dance song in her head this afternoon.
Yes, you did. I reiterate: Bitch. (Of course, I didn’t get that angry. I did dance a bit to The Hamster Dance when you sang it.)
P.S. I prefer brown recluses (now dead or dying) and leaky pipes (now fixed) and walking distance to a J.Jill, a new amphitheatre, Starbuck’s and Trader Joe’s to The Chuck.
Why do you think that Seven Nation Army is obscure? It was all over the radio for quite a while.
And, um, BROWN RECLUSE? Terrifying!
I must admit I like Chesterfield, Clayton, the Loop and Downtown, although not necessarily in that order. Walking distance to Trader Joe’s might be worth the spiders. Maybe….Still I recommend a cat or cats for any pest management. They see them as great fun to molest and kill….
OK, so I just learned after posting this that you should not allow the cat around the spider. Do these things have any natural enemies? Apparently very few. More here:
http://www.angelfire.com/film/darkroomduck/HTML_PAGES/brown_recluse.html
So, in short, forget the cat.
Marcia – Well, if I didn’t have an entirely paid off house I might consider living there too. Tami – I don’t listen to the radio except for NPR.Benchmark – Yeah, no cats. I did look at the graphic photos on that page. Ug!