Up until today, Halloween was my least favorite holiday. Awkward conversations with frightened or greedy children. I have a new least favorite holiday: Cinco de Mayo.
This is my first Cinco de Mayo. Let’s deconstruct May 5th.
Beer – People drink beer, specifically Mexican beer. I don’t like beer from any country.
Dessert – the only edible Mexican dessert is sopaipilla, which is just too damn hard to make or eat. Of course, in Mexican food, chocolate is a seasoning for chicken. That’s just wrong.
Food – What is in Mexican food? Hot peppers and cilantro. I don’t like spicy food, and it isn’t enhanced by the soap flavor of cilantro.
Still, I said I’d make something for the TeddyJ Cinco De Mayo food day. Cookies, I thought, maybe lemon cookies, that might go well with Mexican food.
But no! There was a sign-up list, but approved Mexican foods were listed! The only empty spots were next to “pulled chicken” and “Spanish rice.”
Spanish rice comes in a box. It must be cheaper than a pound of pulled chicken. So my name went there.
Of course, three hours later … I’ve printed the recipe for Guy Somebody’s Spicy Spanish Rice and I’m having a conversation with the produce guy at the Dierberg’s by Mid Rivers and 94. (The most helpful produce man who has ever lived. He got out a knife and showed me an easy way to dice a tomato. (Slice off top, cut a grid, cut off grid. repeat.) He sacrificed a tomato. He knew a jalapeno could substitute for a serrano, and found me the polbanos.)
Speaking of peppers, I’d like to thanks everyone who has ever blogged the dangers on touching your eyes after chopping jalepenos. I was very careful. I’d like to add that one should avoid daintily picking ones nose. (Hours later. Not while I was cooking. That would be disgusting.)
At one point I had to taste the rice to see if it was tender yet. I carefully tongued a grain off the spoon and it was a) tender and b) made of fire.
So now, 23 dollars later, I have some very spicy rice that I am sure other people will enjoy. I hope to God they eat it all.
There’s happy hour after, too. I did just think of one Mexican thing I like: Patron Peach Margaritas. That makes me feel better.
14 responses to “My New Least Favorite Holiday”
Meh. You’ve never had good Mexican food. You’d go crazy over Reuben’s in Hilo. And one of their super special Margaritas would make you incredibly happy.
Cinco de Mayo-free zone here.
I like Cinco de Mayo – but I like Mexican food. I think it’s because it’s very cheese based and I love cheese. I also love margaritas.
Seriously? A sign-up list and there were approved foods? Crazy talk! I would have made Mexican wedding cookies. Tasty.
Any excuse to drink good tequila is good enough for me.
Flan would have been a good choice for dessert!
I dislike food with hot peppers, which is why I cook Spanish rice from a box. Two dollars.
I think that if you’re in the “cilantro = soap” group that you might hate all Mexican restaurant food. It’s kind of a shame, but you can’t fight genetics.
I hate flan, because it tastes to eggy.
However, my friend Stephanie made a really tasty fake fried ice cream once. Take scoops of vanilla ice cream and roll them around in broken up Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Stick a honey bear in the microwave for 30 seconds until the honey’s warm. Pour warm honey over ice cream cereal. Pretend you can cook.
TOO eggy. Dammit. That’s gonna bug me all day.
I have learned to like somewhat spicy food. Unfortunately my colon has not.
Hey put $20 on Uncle Mo for me Saturday. If his tummy is better and he runs.
UNCLE MO! Oh, slap a $20 on that one for me and Gus!
If it was “Mo Daddy”, I swear I would go a hundred.
I do believe your holiday improved mid-afternoon.Angie, your friend is brilliant.
Hattie – There’s a Mexican place named Reuben’s? Really? What’s the deli named?Big Dot – Is Corona beer popular in NZ? Evidently they are in charge of popularizing Cinco de Mayo.Amy in StL – They do sound good. I wish someone had thought of that! Becs – I had some after work. It was very effective.Tami – I hate flan too …Angie – I wouldn’teven mind if it tasted eggy. The flans I’ve had have been mild, cold, and overwhelmed by honey. Zayrina / Becs – I’m doing it. Is he the favorite? I’m placing a bet for Ken, he bets on the jockey.Caroline – Kisses! Thanks for the news.
Uncle mo is not the favorite per the odds but he won all his races as a 2 year old yet recently lost the Wood due to a GI problem or so they say. But heck Secretariat lost the Wood. Anyway he may not run and had he won the Wood he might well be the odds favorite. Am I alone i. Watching the horse racing channel?
Now I see Mo won’t be running becuase he is pretty sick. Too bad.
Zayrina- poor mo! I’m supposed to put money on … Take a bow? Some name like that.