Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: November 2010

  • Sad Hoarder

    Aw, man. I brought a guy to Mom’s to discuss clearing out the remaining flotsam. Any flotsam Dave or I might want has long been claimed. This leaves a house full of spoons and occasional tables, rolling carts and picture frames, a living lesson on the difference between antique and vintage. To take this step…

  • I Love Passing Tests

    I’ve been dizzy. It’s one of the reasons I took off Thursday. Thursday was also Veterans Day, which was the reason the pizza delivery man thought I was taking off. “No,” I said, “I’m really dizzy.” “Like when you lie down or get up?” he asked. “Yes!” “I’ve had that too lately.” Now, I’m not…

  • Oh, and I Helped Cure Cancer Saturday Night

    I don’t really care who gets the money when I play trivia, but this past Saturday the Cancer People (don’t know which organization) got the benefit of my $20 entrance fee to a trivia match. And then I got $15 back because our table won first place. Left to right: Anne, Me, and Marcia (don’t…

  • What Have I Been Doing The Last Three Days

    Jack. Specifically, Jack Diddly-Squat, of the Outer Boston Squats. I got enough sleep with the sick day I took Thursday, then from Friday 8 pm to Saturday at 2 pm that I had energy to think about doing things. Not enough to really do them, of course, because then I did things today and I’m…

  • Bidet

    This was the bidet in the master bath at the Four Seasons Suite. I was disappointed. In my mind, a bidet is like an automated car wash for your nethers. This was a faucet, and it was positioned so that when I used it on my behind, yes, the water rushed past my bottom, moistened…

  • How to Ruin a Joke

    1) A few years ago, when Spalding Gray died and I found my friends didn’t know who Spalding Gray was, I rented Swimming to Cambodia. They refused to watch it after half an hour. “He smirks right before he’s about to say something funny.” That was their complaint. So, telegraph it, that’s one way to…

  • I’ve Been Busy and I Forgot to Tell You …

    Yeah, I’ve been busy this week. Trip to Albuquerque, saw BNL, trip to Chicago, saw Steven Page, trip downtown, saw Chelsea Handler, trip to Loop, saw BNL. Some things slipped through the cracks. Slipped Through the Cracks in Albuquerque: The day we left for Albuquerque was a Breaking News Day. Breaking News: Toner cartridges in…

  • People of Saint Louis

    Arise and go now to the Barenaked Ladies show at the Pageant. If you are young and Above It All, know that they are paired with Jukebox the Ghost. I am exhausted with the week of fun I have had, and I am going. Do not let a 48 year old woman shame you.

  • 7:30 (actually 8:30)

    These women WAKE UP AT THE CRACK OF DAWN. We went to bed at 2 am and then now they’re up BECAUSE THEIR CHILDREN ARE AWAKE OOO OOO MY BIOLOGICAL CLOCK IS SYNCHRONIZED WITH MAHHHHH BABIES.

  • awesome!

    I just used the instructions my daddy gave me years ago to play roulette. Pocketed half my winnings, let the rest ride. I won 55 dollars and got back my 20. I like this gambling thing. Why doesnt everyone do this?