Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: August 2010

  • Attractive Bullets

    Look at the eyebrows on Alyssa Milano: I can’t have the rest, but no reason I couldn’t buy those eyebrows. Of course, this is the first step toward the Great Gatsby double-eyebrow, with the shaved brow and another higher brow painted above.(All I remember of the Great Gatsby. Thanks for that image, F. Scott.) At…

  • Teenage Amnesia

    Have you heard this news story about the teenager with amnesia? She left Washington State and wound up in Times Square with no idea who she was. It turns out her name is “Kacie Aleece.” I thought then she’d forgotten how to spell it, but it’s in all the papers. As it turns out, her…

  • I Prove Myself to be An Irresponsible Voter

    A few days ago, Gary asked, “Is there an election coming up or something?” “Primaries.” I knew there were primaries because though I specifically wrote “P.S. Take my name OFF your list” on the Bogus Census, the Republicans continue to call me. I’ve learned to ignore calls from “Haas, Bill” (which sounds like “Hosp-ital” when…

  • My First Time

    or … What You Would Have Heard The Other Day If You Were a Cockroach Hiding In a Towel In my Bathroom or … This Blog Has Become Horrifyingly Scatological Now That My Vagina Has Straightened Up Scene: Bathroom Interior Gary is in the bathroom, ranting. “Blah! Blah ECW software full dental BONE TOOL Scuzzi-compliance.…

  • Crap Smear

    This is late because I am behind on my TiVo, but did you see the Kathy Griffin D-List episode when she got a public pap smear? I have disposable income now. How much do I need to make to have MY doctor use lube during MY pap smear? And then they brought out the Mythical…