Or, for followers of The Daily Show, “Roll 220!” This may need to become a monthly feature. I just went back and checked a post from May 2, in which I schemed and planned, and was Lady Bountiful.
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Original Scheme:
Plans for mid-May: Go to the BNL concert in Louisville. Stay in a hotel where the first floor bathrooms mirrors are inlaid with videos of eyes.
How It Was:
Those eyes in the mirrors? They are eyes of blind darts players at a blind darts player’s dart club. It just adds a whole creepy factor, like “Feel comfortable about these men in the bathroom, it’s okay, these MEN are BLIND.” Generally though, an excellent vacation.
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Original Scheme:
Plans for early June: go to Tulsa for a BNL concert and stay at the historic Mayo hotel, where they will give us chocolate-covered strawberries
How It Was:
It was an excellent scheme. Here’s where it all “gang aft agley” – BNL canceled the concert, which was to be June 1. But HAH, cruel gods, turns out I get to spend June 1 in the TeddyJ (air-conditioned) Luxury Box at Busch Stadium planting my large buttocks in leather-bound seats and supplying said large buttocks with nachos. Because Teddy loves my department this month.
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Original Scheme:
Plans for the rest of the year: Gary suggests he might want to go to Paris, liar.
How It Was:
Gary has finished jacking me around. It looks like it’s Paris. Not so much that I’d buy an air ticket, but enough that I’m going to schedule vacation time.
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Original Lady Bountiful statement:
[Regarding universal healthcare] “‘I got mine, I worked hard for mine, you shouldn’t get yours’ makes no sense to me.”
I was talking about universal healthcare, but I was thinking about V.I.P. concert seating, too. You pay four times what the guy standing 5 inches from you paid. Or, if you really want to get sick about it, you pay over one thousand dollars and the Wad next to you thanks you for paying for his seat.
Follow that link, it’s great. But here’s a synopsis:
Nice Guy: ” …after being unemployed for 8 months I scored a new job … I decided to treat myself to something special, a VIP ticket to an upcoming Bon Jovi show … The price tag, $1100.”
Mr Wad sits next to Nice Guy and says he “was given free tickets by the management team and that people like me pay for his tickets. … He said that by me essentially buying 10-12 tickets it allows them to give freebies out. “
Concert-goers and plane travelers all steel ourselves for this situation, to a lesser degree. “This guy next to me who won a free vacation was lucky.” Or, “This guy who scored just-issued tickets on Ticketmaster today was lucky.” That’s fine, because I’m lucky. I’ve just been lolling through life, and luck just falls in my lap, like long-lost dead Masonic uncles-in-law, and other things I won’t list because you hate me for it already anyway, I know you do. So, luck got you a free ticket directly, luck got me $240 which I used for my ticket, we’re even.
But how would that play for our poor Nice Guy above? Could he say to The Wad, “Ah, how nice that you know someone on the management team! Lucky you!” And then think smugly, “And I was lucky enough to find a new job which will support me well after your friends on the management team realize you, sir, are A Wad.”
And it occurs to me that Mr. Wad should have just not crowed about his good luck, and if I did that, I wouldn’t have a blog. Hm. I will have to start paying attention to any bad luck so I can report on it.
9 responses to “A Look Back at Stupid Things I Said This Month”
If you run out, I’ll let you borrow some of mine.
Becs – I’m assuming you mean if I run out of bad luck. I’m not touching your bad luck, I have a Test I have to take at the end of June.
I would be less worried about blind men’s eyes not seeing me in the bathroom than the whole concept of blind men actually playing darts. Man, that could be a bloody business. Or was that a joke, and I’ve been too literal again?
When I’m away on a freebie trip, I have to weigh up my fellow-travellers and judge whether they can handle it. Mostly I clutch my guilty secret to my heart and let them think I’m a note-taking nerd who’s lucky to have been let out of The Building.
Big Dot – “‘There are quite a few blind darts teams in this country,’ he said. ‘They have the dart attached to a piece of string so they then walk backwards and can have a better idea of where the dart is going to land on the board’. ” – from this article: http://www.bbc.co.uk/ouch/features/we_werent_supposed_to_turn_up_but_we_did_part_2_flights_of_fancy.shtml
All – speaking of luck, here’s an article on how to be “lucky.”http://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/3304496/Be-lucky-its-an-easy-skill-to-learn.html
Nobody could call me touchy-feely, but I believe absolutely in what the writer of that article says. Attitude is everything, boy. (And I’m EXACTLY like the last person quoted there – despite going splat on my deck the other day, I just feel thankful that I didn’t do any worse damage than a traumatised tailbone. [For the schadenfreude-addicts – http://travelskite.blogspot.com/2010/05/these-short-flights-are-seriously-over.html ]
Big Dot – I dont know if I’d call it attitude, it’s just what you ignore and what you pay attention to. It’s like a self-fulfilling Gypsy Curse.
Isn’t that the point? It’s your choice whether it’s a curse or a blessing.
Big Dot -I was all smug about ignoring the loss of the BNL concert and focusing on the ball game? Did not work so well. Ended up in tears…more later.