Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: February 2010

  • No, It Isn’t Set Up Yet, Day 3

    An open letter to my husband. Dear Gary, Hi. How are things there in the bathroom? Good to hear. You know, sometimes when a man can’t meet a woman’s needs, the woman needs to take matters into her own hands and just take care of herself. Let’s say a man has lived with a woman…

  • Skating with Gary

    No, it isn’t hooked up yet. However, there’s a tv in my room and we’ve been watching figure skating, live, interspersed with promos for “The Marriage Ref,” which sounds like a network slap in the face of the fly-over states. I’d like to jump ahead to the SNL parody, in which smirking midwesterners sit on…

  • Valentine’s Day

    Well, let’s face it, if he’d put together the speakers he’d have proved himself whipped. (Just so it’s clear, not “Toby,” but “Kunta Kinte.”) He did make a lot of progress, but not so much progress I can use President’s Day to clean house and put everything right again. He completed the entire demolition phase.…

  • Tantric Wanderlust and Other Bullets

    Well, I’m better now. There will evidently be another Barenaked Ladies cruise next February. BNL and Guster will be there, obvious band tension will not. Twitter is good at putting the fine point on the Sword of Damocles overhead: “EEEE!!!!” “SQUEEEEEE” “CRUISE!” (Random people shot at) “EEEEE!” Similarly, I’m about to top tragedy with a…

  • Wanderinabilitytomaintainerection

    For a few hours tonight my wanderlust built until it almost overcame me and I left Gary for a weekend (Feb 27) to run off to Toronto. I came close to booking a hotel room, but the negative reviews? “Bed was too soft” (and several others that suggested the reviewers didn’t appreciate age and patina).…

  • Wanderlust

    When you are a child and bored, you pick a fight with a family member. Bored teenagers daydream about car crashes and school massacres. Bored adults go on vacation, and this takes care of both the family conflict and physical danger needs of the bored. (I can’t say I’m bored as much as I am…

  • I Am So Loved.

    Last September, Gary pulled apart the stereo system and bought all kinds of new cables and components. And then we came down with the Wild Boar Flu. He never put it back together, because he preferred to fantasize about how good it was going to sound. I never followed your advice and started plugging things…

  • Breaking News: Queen Mum is Still Dead

    Sigh. For those in mourning, the countdown to the two-year anniversary of a parent’s death is when you step back and say, as I did at lunch, “Shit. That was hard. But it’s ov – “ Over? No, it’s not. But miserable though it was, I don’t want it to be over. There are stacks.…

  • Babka O’Reilly

    Superbowl Babka. Less flour: lighter, but the swirls are almost gone. And I still don’t know which Who song IS Baba O’ Reilly. No one seems to share my love for the dog collar superbowl commercial. See the lameitude? This is my brain, this is my brain on Tostitos and dip.

  • UPDATED: Live Blogging The International Incident

    10:54 A.M. Saturday. Earlier this week the post office left a pink slip on our door to alert us we have express mail we have to sign for. “Good!” Gary said, “It’s those Leave it to Beaver DVDs I ordered for Mom and Dad.” He signed the slip and put it back on the door.…