I tried to avoid the ClusterConstruction that is now Highway 94, and I took the back way to work Friday. I was tooling along happily (drugs!) listening to Carbon leaf (rock and roll) and I saw a motorcycle cop up ahead. Zoom! I whizzed past the officer. “He’s out here looking for some teenagers to catch,” I thought cheerfully, “So they can raise revenue for the Cluster. I just learned that for Series 7. Hey. He’s following me now. He can’t be following ME. What? Flashing lights!? No way! I’m TOO OLD to be pulled over for speeding.”
“Hello!” I chirped, “I must have been speeding!” He didn’t look at me. I smiled at the thought of his face when he looked at me and my middle-aged self.
He looked right at me. “License and registration.”
Handed that right over. I thought about calling him “Sir,” then, “Why would I call this child sir? I could be his mother. Besides, he’s going to laugh when he looks me up and sees my spotless reputation.”
Still, he came back from looking me up and gave me (ME) a citation for going 55 in a 40 mph zone. “Ha!” I thought, “What’s that going to cost? Three lattes?” And it struck me, as I cheerfully accepted my ticket, that this whole experience would have destroyed me before I turned forty. I remember apologizing tearfully to traffic cops for rolling stops, or going to traffic court and announcing my guilt. (Though Friend #3 says there’s something you can do where you pay some strip mall people and your guilt is washed away, as if it never happened. She also claims there will be a big insurance hit if I don’t. Really? I’m forty-six!)
His parting words were, “That’s your speedometer. Use it.”
I laughed a big belly laugh and thanked him, then I tooled off, even happier than before.
22 responses to “I Blame the Red Car”
You have a MINI??? I am soooo jealous! I’ve been thinking about getting a convertible, but everyone I talk to says the maintenance is exorbitant. Is it true?
He didn’t have to be such an ass**** at the end. Sheesh.
Love not calling the child sir! Really, how true! And love #3’s comment about the strip mall people.
I got stopped for 48 in a 30 (preoccupied, thinking about my dead father) and it was $180!!! That’s a lot of lattes.
Very funny! I no longer drive so don’t have these type of exerperences. Well, not anymore, but I guess that’s why I don’t drive. 😉 My thing was rear-end collisions, though, which were probably the result of optic neuritis and depth perception problems. It was hard not to immediately go to the teary guilt place when you’ve crunched yet another person’s rear bumper!Lazy Julie
Oh yeah…Traffic Law Hotline..it’s like confession for us speeders! :)Unfortunately I’ve used them more often than I would like.
Argh.
I got my first speeding ticket ever last month. I signed up to go to court and protest it, but I’m thinking I don’t want to.
I got stopped for speeding a couple of months ago. The cop (a 15 year old girl) asked me where I was going. “Home,” I sniffled. And where what I coming from? “My knitting group,” I sniffled. It would have been hella expensive – going 48 in a 25 mph zone. She gave me a ticket for having an obstructed license plate.
Queen! I have missed you…sorry I have been absent lately, I have much reading to do. I’m glad things are still going well for you 😉
It’s not that you’re over 40. It’s that you don’t have a mortgage. Thanks for paying for the Cluster for us. I’m so happy to get an 8 week rush hour reprieve.
YES. It’s a moving violation, and your auto insurance rate will go up and stay up for at least THREE YEARS. The strip mall people are your friend.
Slow down, Danica.
Shania – I bought the first five years of maintenance up front and rolled it into the price, so I have no idea what it would really be. My maintenance just stopped, though. Guess I’ll find out!Gaoo – Geez! 180! I’ve got to call and see what It’ll cost. I thought it would be like, 15.Julie – Cool! I’m accusing the optic neuritis next time I rear end someone. .75 – It just seems like I’m buying an indulgence (a Catholic thing).Magpie – For one of my tickets it was reckless endangerment. The officer said I could pay this one over the phone and not go to court.Becs – There but for the grace of Celexa go I. Autumn – I wave heartily at you Autumn!Caroline – Don’t be a hater, Caroline. I’m still Ellen from the block.3 – Well, okay then. What would the insurance company tell me if I told them the situation? Then I could do the math.
I say pay it, whatever it is, and then it goes away. Bastards.
hahaha I don’t know what “an indulgence” is. :)Can I buy one everytime I want to be “naughty”? 🙂
You’ve had that car five years already? It seems like just yesterday that the Mazda died. Or was the Mazda the more recently replaced car?
Since you and Gary are now the Bonnie and Clyde of traffic violations, I might suggest you let the Traffic law people do the math.
gaoo – Gary got a speeding ticket today (the Cluster must be going over budget) – his price is on his ticket, mine I have to call for. I do think we might visit TLC instead of paying. They might have a BOGO free..75 – Yep. You buy your way out of sin. It was big in the Middle Ages.Caroline – Mazda? Never. All Hondas except for when I worked at the car plant, then it had to be American.previous car was a maroon Honda CRX.3 – I should never have told you Gary got a speeding ticket today. How does this happen? No tickets for 10 years at least, then we both get tickets.
And I wave heartily back! HELLOOOOOO!
See if you can get a family discount at the Traffic Law Center.
Autumn – runs at Autumn and hugs her. There. Enough now.3 – Oh, funny funny funny. So glad my pain entertains you so. I only wish Dave lived here so we could get a three-for.
“I only wish Dave lived here…”I don’t remember ever hearing those words come out of your mouth before.
Caroline – He has a girlfriend at the moment. She’s taking most of the high-intensity Daveness.
Did he call you when the Air France flight was missing?
Caroline – No. but, “David Carradine! Dead!”