Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: June 2008

  • Bad Day

    I had a bad day. I made a string of stupid mistakes at work. Not stupid ha-ha, even, just stupid. I have poison ivy. Gary bellowed at me this morning because while I was doing some solo landscaping I piled some dirt in the middle of a mud puddle we haven’t been able to get…

  • My Husband Gary

    Have you ever gone to the mechanic and complained of “a clattery noise — you’ll notice it if you go through a drive-through — and there’s this other sound like ‘RRRRRR – rrrrrrr – RRRRRRR – rrrrrr?’” After years of “Sure, Ma’am, we’ll check it out,” followed a few hours later by, “We couldn’t find…

  • Miraculous Cure

    I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned it here, but the S_________ family feels it is their right to be evil if they are sick, and particularly evil to the person nursing them. Gary is the worst. He berates you if you hand him the cough syrup and don’t take off the cap. This past…

  • As I have often suspected.

    Gary was complaining about his sore throat. “My throat’s never hurt this bad,” he moaned, clutching his neck. “Not even when I had my cliterectomy.” He almost immediately corrected himself. He meant uvulectomy. But still, I knew.

  • Google-Climbing

    I’m all done with finding myself the destination for random Google searches. My focus has turned to Google searches that find me on the first page. Long ago, you could find me at the top of the pile if you searched “hot sexy toes.” I’m sure this summer I’ll be back in the game, but…

  • Butterfly Party at My House

    I wanted to place my order for monarch butterfly larvae, so I googled “Monarch butterfly larvae kit,” which, if you are interested, IS one of the few google searches that doesn’t result in porn. On the way to my order, though, I found a message board, and someone suggested that perhaps they could raise their…

  • Weird Hello, Weird Goodbye

    HelloGary and I went for our yearly physicals this morning. This meant I needed to leave my staff meeting early. I snuck out while we were introducing ourselves to Hysterical New Friend to Be Numbered Later. Of course, we had all met her, so we essentially went in a circle and reminded her of our…

  • In Which I Am A Magnet

    Things I have attracted today: Presidential candidates. Well one, anyway. Barack Obama (‘Rack, I call him) was at Big Barnes the same time I was this morning. Barnes Hospital is now endorsed by two in seven Presidential candidates, and mysteriously I was there on both occasions. This means I spend way too much time at…

  • Living History

    So I was sitting here, envying Catherine the Red for being a cousin of John Glenn, when Stephen Colbert brought up my family connection to greatness, Warren G Harding. Colbert played a clip of John McLaughlin saying Warren G Harding was black. “That sounds right,” I thought, “where have I read that?” It was in…

  • Freedom Seven

    Dave called today with a TiVo Alert: When We Left Earth is on the Discovery Channel. We we were kids, we lived in Houston from ’60-’68, and we revered the Gemini and Mercury projects. Someone (probably Technical Father, who had a job at NASA in the mid sixties) gave Dave a record album called The…