Hello
Gary and I went for our yearly physicals this morning. This meant I needed to leave my staff meeting early. I snuck out while we were introducing ourselves to Hysterical New Friend to Be Numbered Later. Of course, we had all met her, so we essentially went in a circle and reminded her of our inside jokes. I had met her while I was booty pooping while wearing my sunglasses and my bosses boss materialized and commented that I looked like a rock star.
So I slid on my sunglasses and announced, “Hi. I’m Ellen, the rock star.” Then I split so suddenly no one could say much but “Goodbye, Rock Star.”
I drove straight to the doctor, who greeted me with “Hello, Rock Star.”
Freaked me out. “HOW did you KNOW that?”
He said, “Gary told me. The Incestuous Pandas!”
As it turned out, the doctor had already started Gary’s physical, and Gary had mentioned my guitar playing and moaning that our band has yet to rehearse. Just a fluky coincidence.
Goodbye
The doctor always puts Gary and I in adjacent exam rooms, so we can occupy our wait time talking via the ventilation system. This also lets me listen in on Gary and correct his lies when it’s time for my part of the visit. Dr. F_______ bounces between us like a marriage counselor.
When the doctor first came in to visit me, I noticed he had on a wrist brace.
“Aww. What happened?
“Carpal tunnel,” he flatly announced.
“Poor thing,” I said, automatically, because I have been trained to say “Poor thing / sweet baby / poor guy / poor sweet pumpkin” (or any combination) in response to a man moaning about his ailments. I didn’t coo it; it wasn’t awkward.
However, as we were saying goodbye, he said something nice about Mom, then something nice about me. I paused awkwardly, then I said, “Aw, sweet baby.” Because I swear, I’d just heard Gary cough a great Pity Me Cough in the other room. But of course the doctor heard:
“Your Mom is an amazing woman.”
“Yes she was”
“And so are you.”
“… Aw, sweet baby.”
“Excuse me?”
“NO! No! That was for Gary!”
“Gary?”
“He just coughed. He’s a poor sweet baby.”
So, I’ve got misunderstandings coming and going.
5 responses to “Weird Hello, Weird Goodbye”
My doctor looks like a tall, skinny Antonio Banderas. I would looovve to say “sweet baby” to him, although in a less clinical setting.
“booty pooping”?That’s what you said. I’m hoping you meant “booty popping” because I’ve read your stories about Colin, it IS Thursday, and I’m not sure you should be “booty pooping” in front of you boss, rock star sunglasses or not. Your boss is sure to recognize you anyway.
Dang, the Queen has all KINDS of mad skills!
Oh, great typo, booty pooping. *snickering*
Becs – Thank you, Becs, for not giving me grief over “booty pooping.”Sherri – Snort! I can’t believe I did that.0.5 – I actually only do it right for about one second out of ten. but when I do, well. It’s quite impressive.Zayrina – I can’t believe Typepad says a colloquialism like “pooping” is acceptable.