1. Instead of the usual diagnosis of “We don’t know what’s wrong with your Mom but it’s nothing serious,” today the doctor said, “We don’t know what’s wrong with your Mom and it’s serious.”
2. Walking about the halls and bravely soldiering on through your tears really impresses the nursing staff. The next time they ask, “Is there anything I can get you?” I’m going to say, “Can I fly in the helicopter?”
3. Missouri Baptist is being overrun by Catholics. I heard a nurse say to the MethTeeth family, “Oh, you use Lourdes water? I bathe in that.” Then one gave testimony to how Saint Andrew has personally watched over her mother.
4. The biggest progress is the MethTeeth family has moved on. Here are some things I wanted to say to Mrs. MethTeeth (who incidentally is a huge 70 year old Jefferson County white woman):
- The reason your daughter isn’t visiting you in the hospital is because you say things like, “Just stay at work, don’t worry about MY feelings. You’ll feel bad when you hear what they are doing to me.”
- Going to rehab is a good thing, especially when it’s physical rehab, where you are going, instead of Amy Winehouse rehab, where you should go. (She actually said, “They say I gotta go to rehab.” But she left off the “No No No.”)
- Perhaps the arthritis wouldn’t hurt your ankles as much if you weighed 100 pounds less. And maybe you could take a step then without saying “Ooohhh, my ankles.”
- And maybe you might stop whining about how much it hurts to walk when you are in a room with someone who can’t walk.
- Stop whining about everything.
- When the nurse says, “Have you been feeling constipated?” don’t say “No, Why?” as if to suggest, “No, but I will be completely impacted now that you suggest it would be another way to get pity.”
- It isn’t your husband’s fault you are addicted to painkillers, even though he bought in to your bullshit and convinced the nursing staff that he had been administering your pain medicine “incorrectly.”
- Seriously, meth, painkillers and methadone? And they send you home with a morphine pill?
- Your son, the one who bought you the carrot cake balls from Provisions that I served at tea? He’s gay.
9 responses to “Progress”
I am SO glad to hear MethTeeth and Baby MethTeeth have moved on. I’m keeping good thoughts for the QM.
Ugh. This is no good. I do hope they figure it out what is going on and fix it very soon. There is nothing more frustrating than having someone tell you that something is wrong but that they have no idea what it is.
Perhaps a ride in the helicoptor would be good for both of you.I hope Queen Mother gets a diagnosis soon.
Sending good wishes for the Queen Mother. And for you in your helicopter pursuits. If they agree, you should listen to the BNL song while it happens. ::hugs::
I have worn the “my mom is sick” shoes. It’s really quite tough. I am glad you still have your sense of humor though.
Catherine – You know, know matter where the Methes go, there they are.Katie – It does suck, and you would know. Thank you.Caroline – I asked the doctor why they didn’t just throw antibiotics at her and see if she got better. (YOU KNOW, LIKE THEY DO ON HOUSE, I thought loudly) He says that might make her worse.Erin – I’ve actually been in a helicopter. It was pretty cool. Zayrina – They are sucky shoes.
I’m sorry about your mom – but damned, you’re funny. I want you in my corner.
Well, I’m very sorry they haven’t got answers for you with regards to you mom. It sucks to be in that place.
Magpie (Hi!) – Someday soon I’ll get a chance to look at more than a few posts on your blog. It looks good. I’m sorry to hear about your Mom. Candy – Well, they do have an answer. Like Mom said this morning, “The polio got me.”