Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: January 2008

  • Sick Puppy

    A search that led some lost Google soul

  • How Many Calories in a Placebo?

    So far the “placebo” has made me gain six pounds in two weeks. (Which makes sense. Sugar pill.) The real fear I have is that I will reach that horrible state in which I weigh more than my husband. I am beyond Spanx. I am enormous. And it doesn’t really bother me, as long as…

  • The Science of Soap

    “Hey Gary, what’s this white scummy film on the floor?” “Oh, that’s the Mop and Glo.” “So…didn’t you rinse it?” “Evidently not very well.” “Okay. It’s not enough for the Scooba, I’ll just run the mop over it.” “No! Don’t do that. It’s soap, it’s not hurting anything.” “Well, it’s attracting dirt to the floor.…

  • Gary Lives for You All!

    I’m going once again on the Barenaked Ladies cruise in a few weeks, and incidental to this cruise are the ports of call. In the ports are many activities, so Gary and I are required to make a joint decision. After Gary called six times at work to jerk us back and forth on what…

  • In Which I Realize I Am Old

    When I was eighteen or so, I worked at the local library as a page. Pages occupy their time by flirting with each other and restocking books. The restocking cut in on our flirting time, so we resented anyone whom checked books out. This library job would be great, we agreed, except for these darn…

  • Mom Brushes Her Teeth

    Mom Brushes Her Teeth

    Mom let me watch her as she brushed her teeth today. For future reference in case one ever has limited use of ones arms: 1. Design an Arm Prop (patent pending) made of an inverted new toilet plunger sawed in half and affixed to a stand, so. 2. Hold electric toothbrush in right hand and…

  • Side Effects

    Well, Monday morning is the next time I meet with the clinical trial people. I’ve written out all my “side effects” from the “placebo,” and with the exception of the one I have hinted at in the vaguest terms here, I don’t have much to offer. I’m sure I can contribute weight gain to the…

  • The Cure

    I heard that a speaker at a medical school orientation once said, “Are you here to cure cancer? Stop looking for a cure. Look for better treatments, not a cure, because you will almost never cure anyone of anything in your entire medical career.” Well, I have been cured. I have not felt well of…

  • Adventures in Petsitting

    A few years back I watched Marcia (Friend #3)’s dog. This was before Friend #3 got her elegantly appointed condo and lived instead in a relatively ghetto condo with her dog, Ricky. I watched Ricky for a week while Marcia was out of town. Marcia told me everything I needed to know. “Ricky gets a…

  • Memeing … My Brain Huuuurts

    Okaym this is a hybrid post – half somethin gthat haopoend today, ha;lf meme. (YES, I know I need an MRI. That sentence was typed so badly I felt I should keep it in its original state.) Anyway, here’s a hybrid post, because I just didn’t get enough sleep last night. I didn’t get enough…