Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: August 2007

  • In Which Gary Experiences a Miracle

    Gary was off work today, and when I got home he recounted a miracle he had experienced just that afternoon. I called the Catholic Archdiocese immediately, and they sent a Bishop to take Gary’s testimony. And just so I don’t go to Hell, that last part is a lie. But pretend for a moment it…

  • My Taste in Celebrities

    My Taste in Celebrities

    A few years ago, I tried to convince my niece that Orlando Bloom was gay. “He must be gay,” I argued, “because you are 11 and have a crush on him. Your body has a biological clock, and while you are young you will be attracted to men who are gay and will not impregnate…

  • Tea and Sympathy

    Preface: Here is a conversation I had earlier with some “friends.” Specifically, Friend #2 (Libby, aka Hot Mom), Friend #3 (Marcia, aka Marcia Cohen), and Friend #4 (Caroline aka Carolyn). I’m not calling them by their assigned Friend numbers, I’m calling them by their given names in this transcript. I transcribe, you decide. Marcia: “Ellen,…

  • Stand Up and Flush

    All this talk of holidays reminded me of the holiday instituted by my amusing friends at work: Stand Up and Flush Day. The holiday began when Marcia/Friend #3 importuned an Internet complainer to “stand up and flush already.” This happened just as everyone at work was having personal issues, and the first official Stand Up…

  • In Which I Insult Another Major Religion

    I had a notable visit with a client today. I hesitate to reveal too much work information here on the blog, so let’s call them …. hmmm … the Ewish-jay Ederation-fay. I walked into their lobby. According to the plaques, the lobby was donated by four people coincidentally all named Cohen. Something like Esther Cohen,…

  • Life Goes On

    Life Goes On

    You know, a wedding holds limitless faux pas possibilities. A funeral? Limitless to the infinite power. Gary and I have been reviewing the past week and shaking our heads at the faux pas, blunders, and near-misses we had. (Typing this, I realize that this morning is the first time in several days that I’ve let…

  • Miss Manners Weighs In

    Dear Miss Manners: I just attended an Islamic wedding. The bride was beautiful. Four days later, I attended an Islamic funeral, because the bride is dead. My problem is: I have this blog and I mentioned the wedding. Should I tell people my new niece-in-law is gone? Also, what should I say to people who…

  • We interrupt this blog…

    You just can’t mock a funeral. I’ll be back later.

  • If I Were a Tree

    Gary and I were cuddling earlier tonight. I’m a quiet cuddler. Gary likes to take cuddle time and ruin it by asking questions like, “If you were a tree, what kind of tree would you be?” And I think, I’d be a quiet tree. I’d be a tree that falls on you and knocks you…

  • You Are What You Eat: Updated

    Well, it was a weekend of surprises, odd food, and new relationships. I really wish Miss Manners put out an etiquette book on Muslim weddings, because I should have studied up. But right now, I am going to sleep. I think I’ll be posting about this (with pictures) all week*. Oh, and I ate goat.…