Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: July 2007

  • Dress-up

    My nephew’s wedding is fast approaching. This is Arhan-fay’s wedding: he’s the son of Gary’s Muslim-convert sister Sandy. Sandy has her own sect of Islam which prohibits anything Sandy doesn’t like and allows Crab Rangoon and Special Fried Rice, her favorite non-Halal (read ‘kosher’) foods. This is to say Sandy plays fast and loose with…

  • Charming (Warning: High Girly Quotient)

    Charming (Warning: High Girly Quotient)

    Saturday, my sister-in-law asked, “What’s Gary getting you for your birthday?”“Guess,” I said.“Give me a hint.”“It’s Gary.”“Oh! A computer.” And she was right. Ignore for the moment that we have six computers already, one for me and five (count ’em) five for him. I did not ask for a computer; I asked for a wireless…

  • Bathroom Dogs and Bedroom Dogs

    This post is interactive. This post is also mildly pornographic. Mildly. At the end, I will call for comments, and due to the intimate nature of this topic, I encourage you to leave the name, email, and url fields blank. Don’t want to embarrass anyone or discourage strangers. Here goes: The one cute trick we…

  • Birthday Gift

    Birthday Gift

    Today we celebrated my birthday at the S______s. (Remember, before you grant any birthday wishes, the in-laws assume that if you are celebrating in the same season as the date of birth you are in the ballpark. My birthday isn’t till well into August.) I got the BEST gift! Matching boy and girl Butter people!…

  • E-Coli?

    Gary has insisted we eat everything out of the fridge before we get serious about the Gulag Diet Part the Second. Therefore I’ve been cooking food that’s been in the freezer since … December. I know there are rules about how long you can keep something in the freezer, but in my mind it’s all…

  • I Am Lindsay Lohan’s Self-Appointed Editor

    I Am Lindsay Lohan’s Self-Appointed Editor

    While I’ve been enjoying the news stories about drunken astronauts and the Cat O’ Death, the story of Lindsay Lohan’s recent arrest has really grabbed me. I love this e-mail she sent to Access Hollywood: Sic. At first, I let the punctuation slide because she used “They’re” correctly. Then my eyes sizzled inside my head,…

  • Spice Boy

    Gary has a new nightly ritual. He watches the “Victoria Beckham: Coming to America” special every night. We have it on the TiVo. I think he wants to convince himself it really is a series. I was influenced by a snarky review in the New York Times, summarized here: It tests the American market’s seemingly…

  • Counting (an Update)

    Counting Crows Now that this Daughtry American Idol person is opening for Counting Crows in East Mordor, there has been great demand for my tickets, so I have sent some nice young teacher to her death in my place. Counting Pigs They say that if you marry a woman, first look at her mother. Gary…

  • New Crunchy Food Diet!

    Gary went to the dentist this morning and emailed me this report, which I will copy here verbatim: “By the way, I am off all soft foods and rubber tooth brushes. My gums got really bad over the last 6 months. Really bad. I am all 4s again and 6 months ago, I was 2s…

  • Breaking News: Arch Eats Tourists

    Breaking News: Arch Eats Tourists

    We started watching Saturday Night Live last night, and during the monologue Channel Five broke in with Breaking News: 200 people were trapped in the Gateway Arch. The people at the top of the Arch, peeking out the observation windows, were having a blast. They got to stay up the long enough to see the…