Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: July 2007

  • Mmmm Snoooots…Oh. Ew.

    Mmmm Snoooots…Oh. Ew.

    This morning, I left my bed and climbed into bed with Gary, naked. I cuddled up next to him and stroked his arm. I tiptoed my fingers up his chest and cooed… “Snoots?” This is because Thursday I was sitting at work and got an urgent phone call from Caroline. “Get a pen and paper.…

  • Mom Meets Manbitch

    I was driving Queen Mom about this afternoon, having taken a half-vacation day, and who pulls up beside us and honks but Manbitch? We rolled down our respective windows and after some pleasantries, I gestured to Mom and introduced her. Mom leaned forward and yelled across to Manbitch: “She is so mean to me!” (Pause…

  • In Which I Am Thrown Out of Bed

    A few mornings past I woke up and Gary glared at me. “Wha?” I drooled. “Whazit? WHA?” “You can’t do that again.” “What?” “I didn’t get any sleep last night! I need sleep!” “How is that my fault?” “You. Snore.” “You snore!”(‘You’re a towel!’) “And you say I always snore.” “Yes, but this wasn’t the…

  • Raw Food

    In some recent tabloid Gary read that Billy Bob Thornton attributes his weight loss to his Raw food diet. It seems Gary celebrated his Ellen-free week by eating a steady diet of Starbucks and minibar treats, and he gained back a few pounds lost on the Gary Gulag diet. So he’s on the lookout for…

  • Updated: iPod Technical Post (warning: rated D for Dull)

    Ahhhh … my iPod has been resurrected. For a few months there, I neglected my iPod. Last week I charged it up and I updated iTunes…to…7.3 something. After I did that and did a Restart of my PC, the iPod just sat numbly in the port, and it did not even bother to show up…

  • Orange Alert

    Hot Mom alerts us she is at Threat Level Orange. I overheard her discussing this with Friend #3. “Ah,” Friend #3 said understandingly as I trailed behind them to the little junk food store in our plaza, “It’s an orange week.” Hot Mom nodded sadly. “What’s an orange week?” I demanded. “It’s the PMS week…

  • So Cute It Will Make You Puke

    So Cute It Will Make You Puke

    Look at this sweet face: (And don’t ask me what the story is with the green eyes. It happens even with the red-eye reduction on or off, which is ironic.) He doesn’t look sick, does he? No. He looks a healthy puppy. Granted, he looks bald for a silky terrier; they usually look like this:…

  • Torn Between Two Lovers

    Oh, sure, pandas are cute. But at the Shedd Aquarium I flirted with a new love: sea otters. Exhibit A: Sea Otters Being so freaking CUTE one cannot stand it. Extra cuteness if you can stand the squealing until 20 seconds before the end. Exhibit B: Pandas, cute, but really, we’ve seen this. Old cute…

  • A Public Service for Those in Saint Louis

    I’ve been getting our emissions inspections for the cars during this week. Or, alternately, I’ve been “building up resentment against my husband for not taking care of this” during this week. The ’95 Honda failed the gas tank cap test. Evidently, noxious fumes were leaking out the gas tank cap and threatening the environment. I…

  • In Which We See a Movie With Friend #3

    So, went to see Sicko with Friend #3, also known as Marcia, Marcia, Marcia Cohen-Leibowitz-Rothschild-Guilerstein, my friend who is incidentally of the Jewish Persuasion. I feel I need to mention Marcia is an Individual of the Jewish Persuasion, because after this story you might think she’s African-American and escaped another type of ghetto entirely. This…