Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: May 2007

  • Hey! Did You Get Here From the Riverfront Times Web Site?

    Well, hello. It appears the Riverfront Times scanned this last month’s worth of posts, and had to go all the way back to late April to find something that was sufficiently family friendly to put in their paper. Well, the family-friendly first few pages of their paper, as opposed to the back of their paper.…

  • Gary Gulag Diet

    You may be curious about the Gary Gulag Diet. This is the diet, created by Gary, that he used to lose 130 pounds. He gained 20 back, and since I am a behemoth and don’t even notice my massive thighs because my upper body fat now balances out my lower body, I have joined him.…

  • A True Love Cannot Be Denied

    Quotes from Gary. Saturday: “What is going on? Where is the news? Why is there no news on?” Sunday: “I need news! I need an hour-long in-depth analysis of the news stories of the day!” Monday: “I hate Tucker Carlson. I hate that Olbermann guy. I hate Cavuto.” Today: “I can’t stand it. I’m putting

  • It is a Bathroom

    I’ve told you about the nursing staff who share our office building floor, and our bathroom. Well, this past Thursday Caroline and I walked into the bathroom. Then we parted ways, closeted ourselves in our stalls, and all communication ceased, because I do not talk to people in the bathroom. A pair of nurses walked…

  • Genius

    Two genius ideas I had just today: 1) I could bring my power washer into the bathroom and use it to clean the shower. I would just need one of those faucet to hose hookups. According to the first page of Google search, this is a revolutionary new concept. I thought of it first. 2)…

  • In Which a Great Love Is Destroyed

    Well, the long-term love affair between my husband and his celebrity girly crush Chris Matthews is over. I was pretty enraged too, but I didn’t have to write a break-up letter to MSNBC. It all fell apart when Chris devoted an hour of Hardball to the new books on Hillary Clinton that are coming out…

  • And the Award for Acceptable Sperm Term Goes to…

    Baby Batter (for all hetero and solo applications) Man Batter (for all prison applications)

  • What Does “Preliminary Zygotes” Say to You?

    Rated MA for Mature Language. The language in this one literally made my husband scream.

  • Good Fences Make Good Neighbors

    About a month ago we noticed our next-door neighbor’s grass was a little long. I loved it simply because it made our yard look so tidy. In fact, their whole house makes ours look sharp. I’d been a little concerned because they’d painted it one day while I was at work, but I stepped back…

  • Stupid Things I Have Said Today

    Mom: “So, can you copy that Take This Waltz song you liked to my iTunes so I can hear it?”Me: “Sure. Hey, did you read that Wikipedia article about Leonard Cohen? He uses so much Christian imagery in his music; I was sort of surprised to read he was Jewish.”Mom: (strange look)Me: “What?”Mom: “Leonard. COHEN.”…