On the way out this morning, I heard the CNN anchor try to tease me past a commercial with “What would you think of a someone disciplining a child … with a stun gun? What if it was his own child? An eighteen month old child?”
They way the anchor kept cranking up the drama made me get all analytical. “Well,” I thought, “What if it was a dog? Would that be okay? A small dog? How about a Great Dane? Someone else’s dog? Is that acceptable?”
And THAT’S where I always get in trouble. After years of negative feedback, I have finally learned the one and only correct response is to reel back, gasp, and say “How awful!”
And just so it’s understood, yes, I know, it is awful. Awful awful awful. It is so universally awful I don’t see why we need to dwell on it and I would prefer to break it down and dissect exactly where the awful comes from. So, I had to fight the urge to have this conversation today at work:
Me: Caroline, Libby, did you hear about the guy who used a stun gun on his baby?
Caroline: Yes! It’s just awful!
Libby: Unbelievably awful!
Me: Yeah, yeah, awful. But how old does a kid have to be before it’s acceptable to hit him with a stun gun? Like, a teenager?
Caroline: It’s awful to hit children with anything!
Libby: You understand tasering a child is child abuse, don’t you, Ellen?
Me: Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what if it was somebody else’s kid? Maybe a fifty-four year old kid? Can I taser Gary?
To be fair, this conversation didn’t happen. And shut up, I KNOW it’s awful to taser children. I. Know. But does it then follow that we cannot even discuss wherein the awfulness lies? Can our only conversation on the topic be and endless loop of “How awful!” “Yes, it is awful!” “Just so awful” “Tsk. Awful” … ad infinitum?
But now I have learned the correct response. It isn’t often I find other people who haven’t learned this lesson. It had been only four days since 9/11/01 when I was listening to NPR and I heard this exchange:
Caller: I don’t know if we should go in to Afghanistan so hastily –
Talk Show Host: Are you out of your mind?
I felt for the caller, because when the host of a National Public Radio show says, “It’s awful! We cannot think! We cannot discuss!” then you might as well hang it up.
I learned my lesson with the “Real-Life Home Alone” child news story years back: parents go to Vegas and a leave 10-year-old at home alone. If I had only known at the time the only acceptable response was “AWWWWful,” then I wouldn’t have opened my mouth. But my first question was “Is eleven okay? What about fifteen? How old do you have to be? What does the law say?” Horror stared back at me and responded slowly, “They left a ten-year-old at home aloooonnnnneee.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah, awful. But when is it allowed? Can’t we think about these things?
10 responses to “I Think Too Much”
Oh, yeah. I know exactly what you mean. and then anyone you tried to discuss it with runs around telling everyone else that you think it’s ok to zap a kid.
duude. thanks for having a brain. no kidding. I think about these things too and it pisses people off, which is just stupid.
What?! You mean we’re supposed to actually THINK about things, ponder where the lines are drawn, and come to our own conclusions?! Commie Pinko, you!
Yes, Ellen, it’s just awful that someone was tasering his 18-month-old child. 18 years? Well, I guess it would depend on the kid.Right now, this week, I’m edging closer and closer to 6 being an acceptable age.
So, what’s going on with your mom? She hasn’t updated her blog in ages.
Thanks for asking, Becs. She is really wiped out. She’s been experiencing the fatigue and the spells still, and no answers yet. She seems to have ensconced herself in her home. She also says every day she puts off a blog entry, so there are posts piling up in her head.
Jessica, ~Silk, Monkeygurrl -God bless you. I was sure I was going to get a comment like, “What? You think its okay to abuse children?” I am comforted.
It’s awful.
oh gosh, I’m commenting on an old post, but your blog is NEW to me!
When I lived in NC, I recall a newspaper article discussing that last bit, when is it OK to leave a child home alone. supposedly, parents left a child of 10 home, and were prosecuted for being bad parents, or whatever. Very similiar situation with a 12 year old, no prosecution. So, legel precedent in NC says, between 10-12. Now you know.
(I do not recall whether it was simply the fact of the children being on their own for however many days, or if something dire happened. I think just no grown ups around long enough for someone to notice.)
Nill Zed (Hi Nill!) – I’m a little worried about you considering you had parents who named you Nill Zed. And thank you, if I had children I might just take them to NC in 11 years and see if I could get in trouble.