I had a little time to kill today and I decided to find out specifically what a “dirty Sanchez” is. I went to Urban Dictionary and had a delightful few moments watching funny definitions roll by. Things like “subwoofing,” which I do, and “earjacking,” which I worked into my conversation tonight. And then I went in to read some more definitions and my GOD WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? I feel very bad about society now.
I have always been a few years behind on the verbal fashions. For example, I was in college when I learned to “blow off” an activity or person. I was at Indiana U, and Michael the College Boyfriend and I had broken up. Well, I had broken up. Michael stood on the lawn beneath my window like a radio tower of emotional anguish. He would spend twenty minutes at a time staring up at the window and sending intense pain waves to me, which I heartlessly ignored.
“Michael’s out there again,” my roommate would say. “He’s freaking me out.”
“I’m sorry,” I sighed, “but I don’t know what to do. If I talk to him it just makes it worse.”
“I think you should just blow him off,” she said authoritatively.
I was confused of course, because I thought this was some Indiana hybrid of “blow job” and “getting off.” (Previously the Indiana dialect had thrown me with “I’m so sure.” As in, “I’m going out with you? Yeah, I’m so sure.” I always missed the sarcasm.)
So, back to the roommate. I asked, “Blow him off? And…how would that help?”
“He’d get that you don’t like him.”
“Really?” Clearly, I don’t understand boys, I thought.
Luckily I did not race downstairs and slide knee-first like a figure skater toward Michael. My roomie recoiled when she realized I had missed the significance of the very important preposition “off.”
This is why I try to keep up to date on the slang the kids use today. Even though I really wish I didn’t now know the variance between dirty Sanchez and dirty Rodriguez. You kids are never going to have babies, you know that, right?
4 responses to “Phraseology”
This reminds me of my own personal phraseology hell.When I was in jr high school, I was a big giant nerd with big giant nerd glasses and big giant nerd handmade in Indonesia clothes.I also had a big giant nerd crush on this guy, Danny L*****, and I desparately wanted to dance with him. My best friend went over to the boys side and asked him to ask me to dance. He scoffed and said, “Yeah, if I’m really hard up.”Best friend came running back all giddy and breathless. “He’ll dance with you because he has a hard on for you.”I was all, “Ew, gross” because everyone knows what a hard on is and I didn’t want to get anywhere NEAR one of those, but secretly I thought I was so hot. Hard on and hard up, not exactly the same thing.
I gypsy curse Danny L******* to Viagra-proof impotence.
He cursed himself. I think he’s in jail or something for smuggling drugs. His dance partner options are signficantly more limited now. My bitch!
I just had to go to urbandictionay.com (which I love for keeping up with the kids as well) and I am so grossed out in a “why can’t I stop laughing” kind of way. I have nothing else to say.