Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: October 2006

  • My Million Dollar Idea

    Okay. I got my temporary crown replaced with a permanent one. And it spawned a brilliant idea that will make me rich. 9:00 am — I walk into the dentist, starving.9:01 am — I request drugs.9:02 am — They give me a shot of Novocaine, damnit, not my drug of choice (because you know how…

  • Revenge of the Clones!

    I’ve always been so jealous during national elections. One of the coasts will have the big issue, or someone else votes on gay marriage, and all the Sunday morning talk shows ignore Missouri because we don’t have the hot topic. But now, the stem cell initiative has made us the flavor of the month. Michael…

  • In Which We Become MySpace

    One consequence of having been an English major is you tend to over-classify and search for themes. I was mentally reviewing my list of current friends and noticed they have one common trait: they are all unclassifiable. Friend 1: Studies the bible weekly. Tries to live a purpose-driven, God-based life. Drinks everyone under the table.…

  • How Often Do You Move Your Towels?

    First: Woooooooo! World Series Champions. The Cardinals won the The Tigers lost the World Series. Still, wooooo! If anyone says “well, they didn’t deserve to win,” I say to you, “1985.” Oh, and how cute is seeing a ball team of guys hopping up and down in unison? Also, Pujols. Aww, and half an hour…

  • The Return of the Bling

    I made a decision on my ring. Technically, the Shane Company diamond store and the Chicago Hilton conferred and made the decision for me. I could either stay at the Chicago Hilton or have a new stone, and the Hilton offered the much fairer deal. So I opted to re-unite ring and stone in an…

  • “Nay, then you lie: it is the blessed sun”

    I realized the other day that Shakespeare gave me one of the techniques I have for coping with Gary. From now on, I shall call it the “Petruchio Technique.” It is modeled after “The Taming of the Shrew,” and specifically the scene toward the end of Act IV when Kate breaks to Pertruchio’s mad will.…

  • How Many Potential Band Names Can You Count in This Post?

    St. Louis bloggers – I need you! Thanks to Catherine the Pimper of Pandas, I have taken to watching the Pandacams. So, was anyone else watching the National Zoo Pandacam yesterday? I watched as the Baby Panda rolled on his back (aww!), lifted his legs in the air (so cute!), grabbed his back ankles with…

  • Doctors are MESSING with my head

    Doctors are mean. They are tag-teaming me and playing mind games. I have to start with an update. I’ve gained back half of what I lost on the (almost) year-long Jenny The Bitch Whore Craig diet. The good news is that I didn’t lose that much, so I’ve only gained back about seven pounds. So,…

  • Don’t Rain On My Tirade

    So I was puttering about Queen Mom’s Northern estate today, talking about Gary, and I of course used the word “tirade.” In a sentence. As in: “Gary started off on a tirade about – ““TI-rade,” Mom said.“I said that.”“No, you said tiRADE. As if it rhymed with parade.” I remembered when Michael D_____ and I…

  • One of These Things is Not Like the Others

    One of These Things is Not Like the Others

    The Mexican restaurant by the house has a Wall O’ Tequila. Grand Marnier. I had no idea it was tequila.