My Dog Has Fleas

So last week I pulled a flea off of Mac. And you know, for every flea you see there are ten fleas you don’t see. It’s just like mice (and we counted the mouse corpses and this ratio is not approximate).

Of course, I doused Mac with the prescription flea stuff. Fleas dead in twelve hours. Flea fallout is still going on.

1) Gary did not sleep for two nights. I did not sleep until I vacated to the guest room. Gary has been dancing the Dance of The Fantasy Flea. He is “bitten” constantly by the imaginary creatures. As if he’s having what I think I will call a “Flea-zure.” (Yeah, that was mean.) Next time I’m getting some gin and putting it in a bottle marked “Flea Protectant and Exterminator.” That’s how you treat hypochondriacs, right?

2) On a happier note, we no longer have pillows. Gary can not throw out a pillow (or anything else he’s slept with, lucky for me) so he has hoarded every feather pillow since he left his parent’s. Pillows as flat as padded manila envelopes. I convinced Gary they were full of fleas. (Give me fleas, I make Flea-monade.)

3) The dog may not necessarily be toted along next time we visit his parents. Wilma and Ken stated proudly that their Nazi dachshund never has fleas. Gary expressed disbelief, and Wilma explained helpfully, “We just give our dogs garlic every meal. It’s a miracle.”

Gary expressed more disbelief.

“Really!” she said “It’s a miracle. I really believe the Lord is protecting our dogs. “

Before Gary asked for some miraculous healing garlic for himself he wanted to make sure. “That’s it? Just prayer and garlic?”

Wilma nodded “Yes. Prayer. And garlic. They never have fleas. We only have to give them a flea dip once a month.”

Really, given that this woman wraps leftovers in Saran Wrap and then puts them in Tupperware the miracle is that the dogs are not always soaking in a flea bath / garlic / holy water marinade.