Category: In Which We Set Ourselves Up for Mockery

Over the last few days people have had the nerve to push past my natural reserve and force compassion on me. I find I have a new power. I can make these compassionate people cry. Hey, they want me to talk while I’m crying? Here’s how it feels, suckers. This has worked on the past…

Since the doctors haven’t found anything else to blame for Mom’s decline, they’ve attributed it to the post-polio syndrome (which they should), and Mom’s decided to have home hospice. So, no more trips to the ER, no more of Mom’s never-ending struggle to adapt. Dad was in home hospice as well, and I recall many…

In the morning, I spoke with the doctor and progressed from silent tears to open sobbing, in front of Mom. I told her to forget everything she saw. Even more sad? I did it when the chaplain was walking past, so Chaplain Stephanie had to stop and offer to pray for me. Mom was still…

The Meth Family Whiners have been replaced by a nice, quiet Catholic Lady. I heard her on the phone. “Oh, my roommate is a young girl. She was hurt in some kind of accident. It’s terrible, really. I feel quite sorry for her.” Okay, I thought, why is New Roommate lying to her friends? Like,…

1. Instead of the usual diagnosis of “We don’t know what’s wrong with your Mom but it’s nothing serious,” today the doctor said, “We don’t know what’s wrong with your Mom and it’s serious.” 2. Walking about the halls and bravely soldiering on through your tears really impresses the nursing staff. The next time they…

Mom has a roommate at the hospital. I respect her privacy, so I won’t tell you about any addictions she might have. But, the roomie, who I will call MethTeeth, is around sixty. She and her husband. Talk baby talk to each other. All. Day. Long.

This is how to get results in an ER: Cry. Just cry solidly through the first hour. Quietly, so as not to upset your mother, but consistently, so they actually ADMIT your MOTHER to the hospital, instead of another one of these episodes. So, Mom is sharing a room with a meth addict. Other than…

My high school was newly integrated the first year I went there. You would think I’d have tales of riots, public demonstrations, protesters, National Guard and such, but no. In fact, you couldn’t that tell my school was integrated. I never saw a single student of color in the halls, much less my classes. I…

I’m going to confess something. Then you’re going to say, “Oh, yeah, I do that too,” and then I’m going to say, “Yeah, well I do that all the time,” and you’ll be all, “To what degree?” and I’ll tell you, and you’ll say, “Whoa.” Quietly and with fear. I hit the repeat button on…

Gimme a W! Gary is home sick with the flu. He sent me an e-mail at work today that said, without any irony, that he was optimistic about this clinical trial. He also said something else involving the word “proud” that I can’t bring myself to transcribe. Forgive me. Gimme a T! I purchased a…