Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Category: In Which We Mock Ourselves

  • In Which I Am So Screwed

    I’m not a people person. At one of my reviews at Ye Olde Company I was reproved for not going about the office and saying “Hi” to others. Well, and not saying “Bye.” Oh, and not saying, “How was your weekend?” Well. One of the hazards of working for a small company, right? TeddyJ wouldn’t…

  • Too Sick to Meme

    Or, How to Lose Eight Pounds In Two Days. I think the title says it all.

  • Model Wattle

    Model Wattle

    I remember the morning I woke up with a double chin. I was about 11, and overnight my chin poked out. And by the end of the week I became self-conscious about my chin. Chins. It still worries me when I watch Katherine Heigl on Grey’s Anatomy. My chin alarm goes off constantly. Watch the…

  • Shooooooes

    When I was taking Prof. B_______’s History of EducaZZZZzzzzzz-uhn class, the one interesting lecture he gave was on Appropriate Dress for A Woman Teaching High School. “No dresses, they’ll show your legs,” he droned. “Nothing below your clavicle. No heels. No pantsuits.”“Oh come on!” we cried, “No pantsuits? Why?”“Suits only accent a woman’s femininity. Oh,…

  • Productivity Plummets

    Conversation while ordering Chinese Delivery for Chinese New Year lunch: Me: I want to get Special Fried Rice, but I can’t. My system doesn’t like it any more.Friend #3: What do you want then?Me: The Sweet and Sour Pork lunch special.Friend #3: White Rice or Fried Rice?Me: (sub-second pause) Fried Rice.Friend #3: You’re killing me.Me:…

  • Top Five

    So, the cruise is over and life has returned to normal. For example, Monday I had a scone from Starbucks, went to work, checked my email, tendered my resignation, caught up with voice mail, researched circular function calls, went to Panera bread for lunch, etc. Wait? Did I tell you I researched circular function calls?…

  • Zip Line

    Zip Line

    Well after the brief scare Gary gave me (“I’m too sick to go on the zip line, waaaaa”), we packed up and went on the zip line excursion in Jamaica. I’ll let the photos do the talking. These are the harnesses they strap you into: They make you feel kick-ass invincible. Gary skeptically evaluates his…

  • The Unfortunate Concert by the Internet Cafe

    So, a few days ago I was typing in the Internet cafe, which is next to one of the concert venues. The cafe is in a pathway to the cigar bar, where that day a very soulful jazz musician was making his music. I was half listening. What I really noticed was he would be…

  • Wednesday Update

    Gary couldn’t take the thought of missing the zip line experience, so he sucked back a container of extra-strength Cepacol and we went. (That was six hours ago and he still can’t taste anything.) Unfortunately, I have taken to signing my comments on the message board “Ellen and the Codger,” so a number of times…

  • Vacation Moment

    Usually, it takes a little time to get to the vacation realization moment, the moment usually right before the end when you say “Ahh…this moment sums it all up.” That was last night. Last night was “green dress formal night,” and people got good and creative with the definitions of “green,” “dress,” “and “formal.” “Green”…