Category: In Which We Mock Our Employers

Years ago our department re-framed the Christmas Party into a “Festivus” party. Now that we have merged with the HR department, we attend a “Winter Celebration” party. I was excited about the Winter Celebration, because the invitation encouraged us to wear winter-themed costumes. I planned on donning my tiara, my rhinestones, a white boa, and…

There’s a new thing going on at some Zoom meetings at work. Let’s say the leader of a Zoom call drops some bad news. The team in the call behaves with utter professionalism, no one breaks stride, but one by one their zoom backgrounds turn to: A Kermit-sipping-tea meme with an annotation referencing the bad…

In the past, icebreakers at work were easy. “Say your name, your department, and one interesting thing about you –” and boom, born with an extra thumb, on to the next person. Ice breakers are harder now, because we have zoom meetings every day, and the extra thumb has very little impact after the first…

Twice in the last week I’ve heard a new term at work. “Swirly.” It means the swirl of chaos. “Everything was fine until the boss came in and then the meeting got all swirly.” Additionally, “I don’t know if it was the finger-pointing or the swirl, but that situation fell apart.” Is this just a…

I vaguely remember a work email that says we can dress in costume during a zoom party the Thursday before Halloween. The only thing that comes to mind this year is to put on my paper hazmat suit, and the swim goggles, and the air filter mask Gary used one time when killing bugs and…

Last Monday I dryly said something snide and a co-worker I had only met a week earlier said, “Oh, Ellen, I love you.” A few days later I heard the same declaration from my boss. This made me uncomfortable, because in one week my female coworkers said “I love you” two hundred percent more often…

I don’t remember the first of my coworkers to purchase a ring light or halo light for the Zoom calls. Pretty sure it was post-pandemic. Check out the pupils of Ed Robertson from Barenaked Ladies. He’s clearly working, and he’s paid to look like a rock star. I am not. However, my duties have recently…

I spent last week buying new clothing. First of all, Gary complained that it had been a year and a half of me wearing pajamas to do gardening and to get the mail. (As a man at work asked me to clarify: “He’s just now annoyed by this, or it took him a year and…

Sometimes you meet just delightful people when you are working. Take Steve. Only photo of Steve I have, appropriately He changed departments about six years ago, and we’d catch up in the cafeteria, but it wasn’t the same as working every day with Steve, because Steve was hilarious on a daily basis, and I was…

So, the new thing at work is to be vulnerable. Bosses, executives, co-workers, we must all be vulnerable so that we can trust each other. It feels very awkward to be in front of people and talk about my purpose in life and my greatest fears and what shaped who I am today. Jerry gets…