Category: In Which We Mock Our Employers

I don’t know if this is specific to TeddyJ, but people never seem to say “used” when they mean “used”; instead they choose to say “utilized”. It happened five times today. It began to cause me physical pain. And, of course, I can’t correct them, because they choose to use “utilize” because they want a…

The way my Zoom is set up at work, when I get on a call I can see the faces of the other participants but not hear the audio. Often, of late, the faces are animated. Annoyed. There’s clearly a spirited debate, then when they see I’m finally on audio, they shut up. They’ve been…

I am bereft. My work team is losing our most recent addition, a woman who is just a treasure. Let’s call her Treasure. Below is an example of why I am going to miss Treasure. ============ I was displaying my water bottle to my team. I wanted them to notice it is stamped with my…

TeddyJ employees are complaining about being asked to return to work (albeit be-jeaned, and only for three days a week). In response, Powers That Be seem to be indignant about the employee indignancy, and they hijacked the monthly diversity meeting to talk about gratitude. They tried to be subtle. We were advised to stop saying…

This “transparency” thing is taking over at work and people are being really frank. A long-time co-worker shared with me that when she started she had been warned to never ask me questions. I confess, I would often hear new workers asking other people questions when I was right there. Me. Me, the expert. Or…

I notice that Zoom work conversations are more intense than in-person conversations. (Or at least, what I remember of in-person conversations.) Rude people are ruder, for one thing. I suppose they sense no one is going to bop them in the nose. (Or possibly, “we” sense no one is going to bop “us” in the…

I was stewing about two co-workers who share nothing but a job title. One is too slow, one is too fast; one is flight, one is fight; and the only thing have in common is that neither appreciates the other. “His porridge is too cold, her porridge is too hot,” I grumbled to myself, then…

I have some rules for work. One rule, Don’t be Friends Above Your Pay Grade, has recently been amended to Don’t Flirt Above Your Pay Grade, because I can’t go about cutting off any more friends. Another rule is Don’t Alk-Tay About the Og-Blay at Ork-Way. (Which, translated from the PigLatin Don’t Talk About the…

At some point in the last 20 years, HR departments codified their sexual harassment rules and banned “unsolicited compliments” from the opposite sex. Thus, if I I look nice, the women on my teams can all agree that I look nice, and the men stay silent, as if they cannot see past the impenetrable HR…

Meetings at TeddyJ often start with icebreakers. I was born with my built-in icebreaker: my extra thumb. I was in a meeting the other day, and the instructor presented us with the oddest icebreaker. “What’s something you did before you were eighteen that you’re proud of?” Completely blank. I truly did not do a thing…