Wonder Woman

I did not like Wonder Woman. This follows my dislike of Mad Max: Fury Road, cementing me as a female chauvinist pig for not applauding kick-ass females.

But actually, it follows my dislike of The Shop Around the Corner, In the Good Old Summertime, You’ve Got Mail, and any other movie where the woman is oblivious and it’s “cute” that she’s not informed. I know some of the humor was supposed to have come from her chirping at Chris Pine about how the Greek god of war was responsible for WWI. It just made me grind my teeth. Perhaps in Wonder Woman 2 they can drop the fish out of water business and she can nail the trifecta: beautiful, strong, and actually smart, too.

Of course, I generally don’t like action movies. Unrealistic, staged violence, where the evildoers line up and politely set upon the good guy one at a time. I start drifting off during action scenes because seriously, what’s going to happen? Character growth? Plot advancement? Never, nothing but noise and violence. (Except – spoilers – for the Star Wars movies. Those movies kill off beloved characters and chop off hands and interrupt the swordplay for big DNA announcements.)

I did nap a bit during the climactic action scene. After the credits, the guy next to us didn’t leave his seat, and when I looked over he was dead asleep. Head 90 degrees to the side, arms and legs all splayed out. I didn’t wake him up. I suppose the cleanup staff must have done it. (I did Google “Dead body St. Charles 18 cinema” the next day and nothing came up.)

There were some good points, but the pros of the movie did not outweigh the cons.

Pro: Robin Wright’s aging skin folding around her metal armor. She was strong and savvy and attractive AND old – what’s a trifecta plus one? Is there a quadfecta? Con: Robin Wright and all the Amazons speaking with an accent. Why? Because the female lead has an accent? Wouldn’t it make more sense to coach the lead than to have all the other actresses adopt an accent?

Pro: Costumes. They actually covered her up for a good part of the movie, yet she could throw off the Edwardian garb when it got in her way. The bookended it all with a very nice red coat / turtleneck combo. Con: Eyebrows. I’m sorry, eyebrow wrangler, I don’t know if you were trying to show us Eyebrows Through the Ages, or if the eyebrow evolution was supposed to mirror changes in the character, or if you were just committed to realism, but you don’t let a child’s GIANT TEN FOOT eyebrow go unplucked like that. I can’t find a still but there was a hair on her EYELID. Then when the character grows up there was no continuity around the WWI eyebrows, and just when I accepted that’s just the way the lead’s eyebrows look, she’s all tidied up when we return to present day in the last scene.

Eyebrow continuity. Get to work on that, Hollywood, along with filling out the trifecta and keeping me awake.