Cheaters

When I was 25 or so, I taught PC skills to adults at the Chrysler plant. When students failed to show three weeks in a row, my teaching partner and I had to call to see if they intended to drop.

One student, call him Ed (because I don’t remember his name) missed three weeks, so we called, and asked his wife if he intended to drop class.

“He hasn’t been to class? For three weeks?”

The next day, Ed arrived, he didn’t intend to stay for class, he just wanted to tell us how disappointed he was that we left that message with his wife. It got him in a lot of trouble. I remember his exact words because in response to all of our protests, he would only say, “I wish you hadn’t left that message with my wife. It got me in a lot of trouble.”

I was glad my partner LeAnn was there, because after he left she said what I was thinking, “I was not aware I was obligated to cover up my student’s affairs.”

“Yeah. Is that part of our job? He really expected us to help him lie to his wife.”

Well, friends and neighbors, if you are cheating on your spouse don’t look to me to be discreet on your behalf. I can’t keep my own secrets; don’t expect me to keep your secrets too. I know it’s not “appreciated” when a spouse finds out a painful truth, but if I see you canoodling with someone else, start inventing an identical twin because I will tell your wife, or husband, or boyfriend.

When Mom and Jerry were separated, Jerry’s neighbor in Texas called Mom once when Jerry’s “friend” Suzanne spent the night. Mom’s complaint was about the woman’s tone: she seemed gleeful. I wouldn’t be gleeful. I’d be factual.

I don’t know if I’d go as far as making a call to alert someone that cheating was going on. But then, isn’t that enabling the cheater too? Participating in the lie?

This isn’t actually a current issue in my life, I’ve just seen too many episodes of Mad Men lately, and it makes me mad. Still, canoodlers, you’re on notice.