Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: August 2012

  • The House cheese does indeed taste like cheese

    … But it has a very off-putting grey vein running through it. Three fourths looks inedible. One fourth seems safe.

  • Locked Out: This Time With Spell Check

    You may have seen the earlier version of this, which I published (accidentally) from my IPhone. I apologize. I wasn’t even trying to type. I would delete it, but the last time that happened you all unearthed the rough draft and shared it in the comments anyway. ================================================== I came home today, pushed the garage…

  • Locked out: The Rough Draft. Just ignore this.

    This is how I type on my iphone. I keep forgetting Save on my iPhone isthe same as “Publish” on my PC. Believe me, the polished version is much better.====================================I came hoE today , pushed the garage foor pener and the door didnt oFor some reason I was extra security Onscopous one day and I…

  • Gary’s Traitorous Pants, 2012

    Gary called me from the Chinese Food place, but immediately began talking to the cashier. Thus, the conversation went like this: Me: Hi hon. Gary: (to cashier) I had the garlic chicken, special fried rice, and moo shu pork. Me; Chinese! For my birthday! Thank you, hon. Me: Hon? Me: HEY. Gary: What? I wasn’t…

  • Radio Silence

    I know that … I am a member of Gary’s immediate family because he bought me an iPad for my birthday. I need new glasses because all the letters are too small. Cliche. I am old because I’m a little cranky about adjusting to new things. I am lazy because I really like using the…

  • I Know It Seems Harsh, But Who Would Miss A Mike Birbiglia Show Because His Teeth Hurt?

    Mike Birbiglia said “That’s nice…” when I asked him to sign the book for Gary.

  • Feeling My Age, Part Two: The Assimilation

    Gary made it clear this morning that no matter his promises last night, he would not be joining me on any errand or shopping trips today. I got hungry between three and four and decided to go to Sherlock’s, because Gary screams whenever I suggest it. (He had an unfortunate brunch there.) I sat down…

  • Feeling My Age

    Here’s how I spent my 50th birthday. “Woke” at 7:30. I use the quotes because I didn’t feel awake all day. Gary woke at about 9:00 am. He took they day off work because he had his wisdom teeth extracted yesterday. He had 4 adult wisdom teeth and a baby wisdom tooth. No Versed for…

  • Book Recommendation: Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal

    I know I’m late to the Lamb party. But if you, like me, avoided it, change your ways. I remember laughing out loud ONCE at a book. (To Kill A Mockingbird – “I don’t want to play Shadrach anymore.”) This book gave me a good out-loud laugh every other chapter. I just finished it and…

  • What We Should Really be Talking About At the Olympics

    Lately, everyone has been yapping about Gabby’s hair. This is what we should be focusing on: No one has an eyebrow pencil? (Perhaps someone jabbed it into the eye of the grumpy man sitting behind Aly Raisman’s parents.)