Respect Mah Food AuthoriTAY!

I don’t understand a thing about Technorati.com. I don’t know who makes the rankings. I don’t know who looks at the rankings. I suspect it’s like some early version of Klout which looks at the words you use and extrapolates from there. Here’s my blog ranking:

Technorati Authority: 118 Rank 20802

Living Authority: 134 Rank: 4618

Health Authority: 95 Rank: 3387

Food Authority: 133 Rank 2001

Perhaps with all the numbers above I will soon be a Math Authority. I see no Health subcategory for Labial Disorders.

What amused me most was “Food Authority”: It particularly amused me tonight as I scraped raw bread dough off the underside of my oven. Not the bottom of my oven. Under my oven.

The oven has a cunning “Proof Bread” feature. You take all the baking sheets and muffin tins out of the oven’s warming drawer, because that’s where they are stored, and you put your dough in a small wide bowl and let it rise.

And you think, because you are evidently a Food Authority, what if this bread rises really high? And then you say, oh, it can’t rise that high, what would be the use of putting the Bread Proofer in the warming tray if it rises too high. People would make that mistake all the time.

And then 45 minutes later you have difficulty opening the Bread Proofing / Warming / Storage Drawer because it is filled with smooth elastic bread dough. The dough rose up and melded with the bottom of the oven, then when I pulled the drawer out it gummed up everything down there. I had to open the drawer halfway and reach up and peel dough off the oven undersides.

I have decided on two strategies for the remaining dough that is still there. (And yes it is still there – I could not see what I was doing and I was in an awkward posture.) Plan A: it is eaten by mice and bugs. Plan B: The next time I use the self-cleaning oven it ignites and drops blazing clots of bread into the Storage Drawer.

Interesting that I also have Technorati Health Authority, as my oven has an invasive yeast infection.