Perhaps These Techniques Are Used In Advanced Physical Therapy

I am so damned sick of my Pelvic Floor Muscles. I never want to do another Kegel. I hope someone tested Dr. Kegel’s pelvic floor strength when he was alive. Digitally. Up the bum. And I hope they did myofascial release on him too. (No. Not really. I worship him.)

The thing is, I am supposed to clench then relax. Except for one fleeting sensation that my crotch was about to burp, I can’t tell I’m relaxed.

Today it occurred to me that wine is supposed to relax that area. Perhaps if I have some wine I’ll know what I’m aiming for. I googled that.

A little googling is a dangerous thing. Why drink wine when you can use … Valium Vaginal Suppositories! You poke a little capsule up your vagina and I suppose your vagina just splays out all relaxed. Of course, I’m sure it relaxes all of you, and the vaginal suppository touch is just there as a mind game. Or, perhaps it does just relax ones pelvis. (How do it know?)

For the Hard Cases there is electrical stimulation. A quote from a doctor:

I would like to tell you about some therapy that is adjunctive to biofeedback — electrical stimulation. Through the same probe, electrical energy can be disseminated to the muscles. This is a very low amount of electrical stimulation. There are some patients, however, who are overly sensitive in this area, and a patient may get worse before they get better. This is common.

I think I’m going with the wine, thank you.

A nice wine, because I found out in my reading that the specific name for my pelvic problems is “High-tone pelvic floor muscle dysfunction.”

“So, boy, don’t you saddle yourself to a high-tone woman.
She’ll cut up your heart like an’ old credit card,
When the fun and the money runs out.
I’ve never seen an uptown, well-read thoroughbred,
High-tone woman sink as low as you.”

– George Strait
High Tone Woman