Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: April 2010

  • Tattoos I Have Not Had

    Let us say I had been getting tattoos since I was 15. I would not get these tattoos lightly. Each tattoo would be significant to my life. More than t-shirt or bumper-sticker significant. Here are the tattoos I would have. 1. I would get a Maranatha tattoo at the age of 15. “Maranatha” is an…

  • Miscellaneous Silliness

    “Sabato scorso mi sono addormentato nel nido e si è svegliato sognando di Babka cioccolato. Pensai devo essermi addormentato durante l’episodio di Seinfeld, ma il TiVo ha negato di aver passato a quella stazione. Posso solo immaginare NPR o CNN allevato babkas.” I did a translation back to English and instead of the original: “Last…

  • Exciting Zip Line News

    There was a tweet today from the Riverfront Times reporting that Saint Louis would soon have its own zip line! I love some zip line. I couldn’t click the link immediately so I had a few hours to wonder where they might put a zip line. Downtown seemed to be the obvious choice. Or the…

  • I Think This Still Puts Me In the 90th Percentile

    Some time ago I listed ten famous movies I’d never seen. This list was whittled down to five: (And you all added Sophie’s Choice, except for Becs, who urged me against it.) I still haven’t seen those movies, thank you,but now there’s another list: The Time Magazine 100 Best TV Shows Of All Time. I…

  • Rock Paper Scissors

    Gary, the oldest, is the Rock. Though you would not expect it, Paper covers Rock. Mac is the Paper. I am the Scissors. And the Rock is in training and not around much this week. And Paper is all, “Paper covers Scissors too, bitch,” but Mac is mistaken. Scissors cut Paper. For example, I ate…

  • Mom Will Not Shut Up From Beyond the Grave

    I went by Mom’s bank to transfer the contents of the savings deposit box to a closer branch. I looked in the envelope where “my” savings bonds were stored and found this note, from Mom, beyond the grave. She started off impersonal and then went straight for the personal. “I had these changed to remove…

  • LobSlau ’10: or, Death and the Unflinching Looking Upon It

    LobSlau, my celebration of the friends who helped me with cake and wine through my Mom’s hospice two epochs years ago was more subdued this year. This was because we had to fight the lobsters to death. Stop reading this right now if you are a vegan or vegetarian. I mean it. Also, if you…

  • UPDATED: PiePiePiePie

    Step 1: Make a plan for how you will build the chocolate and raspberry pies within pies. 2 Assemble all possible ingredients. 3. Investigate the assembled templates of rounditude and add on a “chocolate pie crust” smaller than 9″. 4. All frozen pie recipes call for “One container of Cool Whip.” The “would you like…

  • A Moment at the Office

    Came in from lunch and sat down in my cube. The first thing I saw on my screen was a meeting reminder. “Alert: Kick-off Meeting for Critical Behavior Prioritization Team” “Um, what? Since when? No no NO. Fuck you very much, I will NOT be at that meeting.” As I was reaching for the mouse…

  • Hell Freezes Over

    Hell Freezes Over

    or Steve Mans Up and Eats Sugar-Frosted Mini-Wheats in Olive Oil in Front of Me Steve is shy. It was like watching Julia Child. He had his ingredients already measured out. Then he combined … .. and shook … And ate, but he did it behind the hand. I saw it though. So then I…