Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: April 2010

  • Search Me

    Here’s what really bothers me about Ligit searches: Spunky Labia International Toe Porn superstar has only a tenuous hold on the top three Ligit searches on my own blog, now that the Penis Painter is back at the easel. Now, google searches fall into four categories. People who don’t click through when I obviously have…

  • The Dog Whisperer Visits Our House

    Cesar Milan stopped by our house today. Mac barked at him. “HEY! You with the calm calm-assertive attitude! I sniff your butt!” Cesar ignored Mac and turned to Gary. “I understand you are having difficulties with your dog.” Gary picked up Mac and held him up so he was eye-to-eye with Cesar. “Yes, this is…

  • In Which We Go Slumming

    Gary and I had an after-work snuggle. It was an extended snuggle (not a bladder-infecting snuggle, but still enjoyable). I was already in my fleece pajamas, Gary was dressed in ‘Mormon’ underwear and a t-shirt from his “Leisure” collection. (He has “Outside,” “Leisure,” “Sleep,” and “Noseblower” T-shirts.) “Damn,” I realized, “I forgot to pick up…

  • Mac Has Had a Haircut

    UPDATE: Seriously, Magpie Musing has selected the lamest week of my life to link to my blog. Nothing was funny this week. Scroll down to Republican Pseudo-Census Form from last week. =================================== Okay. So, Mac got a haircut. =================================== Wait. I should warn you. I’m not funny. I always write serious posts about my life.…

  • Balas! (Or bullets, in Portguese)

    It takes one hour to fly to Chicago, which is a 6-hour drive away, and the flight costs about 90 without tax etc. Tulsa is also a 6 hour drive away, but it costs 250 and there are no straight flights, so it takes 4 hours anyway. And with the 2 hour Terrorism delay, it’s…

  • I Blow the Lid Off Mouse Races

    Friend 4 and I went to the mouse races last night. I’ll just give you the WikiSummary: “An individual mouse trainer organizes the event using his own animals and invites spectators to make bets, with the proceeds often going to some specific cause” (in this case Pattonville School District). And, I had no idea, but…

  • My Psychic Power

    I am a cynic, a skeptic, a skepnic, if you will. All I can do is give you the facts. 1) 29 years ago a maternity ward nurse at church told us about a baby born that day at 13 pounds, too big for a bassinet. “I bet that’s [my pregnant friend] Theresa,” I thought.…

  • Republican Pseudo-Census Form

    I am not a Republican. Some of my best friends are Republican. I am not. However, I did recently communicate with my Republican congressman to let him know I wanted him to vote for universal healthcare. This put me on the Republican radar, and they think I’m a compatriot. So today, they sent me this…

  • In Which I Say What Everyone Else is Thinking

    So, when certain people get some perspective, perhaps they’ll realize that being stranded in Europe is not the worst case scenario. Ohhhhh, I’ve choked on my own lizard bile waiting to get out of the airport.

  • Lushed Out

    Before I begin: NOTE TO GARY. I do not seriously want a tattoo. (Gary came in tonight and seemed interested in my new “desire to get a tattoo.” Hyperbole FAIL.) Still, there were two tattoos I forgot. I’d need socks tattooed on both feet, and I would need this on my butt: There is an…