Gary, the oldest, is the Rock.
Though you would not expect it, Paper covers Rock. Mac is the Paper.
I am the Scissors. And the Rock is in training and not around much this week.
And Paper is all, “Paper covers Scissors too, bitch,” but Mac is mistaken. Scissors cut Paper.
For example, I ate leftover lobster alone last night, to a delightful accompaniment of Mac barking, “Mine! Mine! Food! Mine!” He has never had lobster. After five minutes I put down my fork, picked him up and put him down in front of his plate of food.
“YOUR food,” I barked. He started eating his food. I finished my lobster and then the barking started again.
Mac was barking at his plate, then whipping his head at me and barking, then whipping his head back to his plate and barking. Only the side of the plate nearest the dog had been eaten.
Gary always responds to this by coming over and (deep breath)
…turning the plate so the rest of the food is in front of the dog …. (long exhale)
… and I will not stand for that bullshit. I walked over, picked up the dog, and put him down on the other side of the plate. “HAVE I BLOWN YOUR MIND?” I shrieked.
Gary is training for 5 days That’s 35 days in dog time.
13 responses to “Rock Paper Scissors”
But did you do the cone? If not, he’ll have started the entire meal on the wrong foot (and having the choice of four for that, it’s enough to blow a doggy mind).
Big Dot -Of course I did the Cone! What, am I a monster?
I read your post aloud to my husband. He has declared you wonderful.
Mac, on the other hand, has been brain damaged by the Rock.
Oh, poor Mac. He’s kind of like the king whose servants have all run off and he’s roaming the castle kind of lost. No one to turn his plate and stuff. Well, at least he got the cone.
Oh, that has definitely blown the doggy mind. WELL DONE, I say.
Irrelevant to the post, but for all you cilantro-haters out there…
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/04/14/dining/14curious.html
You know, if only Mac were a Labrador, you’d have none of this dinner-time angst. You wouldn’t even have a dinner time, because Labradors inhale their food in time that’s too short to measure, let alone label. In fact, it should BE a time measurement, about half of a picosecond. A labrasecond.
Big Dot – Golden Retrievers also seem to just absorb their food — there’s not even the effort of inhaling. It’s just gone, and then there’s a burp.
Sherri – It is sad. Oh, and Gary tried to comment today that it is easier to move the plate than move the dog.Shania – JUST like that Coldplay song!Wyo – He’s pouting tonight. He did not like having his mind blown.Becs – Or, you can have friends like #2 who will make you salsa with italian parsleyBig Dot – labrasecond! Lovely. Sherri – What an image!
Ya know, with a little training, the dog could move himself around his plate, which would be the easiest thing of all. Really, The Queen is doing the right thing.
Sherri – No need now, he doesn’t even try the “turn my plate game” anymore. Scissors cut paper!
I’ve heard rumors that if they scissors are crafty about it, and very careful, that they can wear down the rock, too.
Tami – Little Scissors. Big Rock. The dynamic has already gone right back to where it was before.