Thanks!

It seems wrong to give thanks if I had some credit in what I’m thankful for. Like, I’m thankful for my husband, but I picked him. I’m thankful for having financial stability. Well, who do I have to thank for that? That would be me. (Wha – did you just say “You could thank your Mom for dying and including you in her will” – you did not just say that! You are so bad.)

In the same vein, I can’t give thanks for friends, because I had to overcome my natural shyness to make friends with them. (I AM shy. That’s why I don’t have kids: I don’t want strangers sleeping in my house.)

So, now that I’ve disqualified anything I can take even partial credit for, I have a manageable list.

1) My Health. What is this, fifteen years with MS? I just had the yearly neuro check-up and he confirms that for the most part I am standing pat. Unless I am standing on one foot with my eyes closed, then I am not pat, I fall down after two seconds. When I first started getting neuro exams I could stand on one foot with my eyes closed for seven seconds, then it was five, and this last time it was two. I told Gary this and we found neither of us could stand more than two seconds with our eyes closed unless we held on to each other, and then it was easy.

2) My Remaining Family, all one of them. My brother Dave just hit nineteen years of sobriety. This is akin to me dieting successfully for nineteen years.

3) The Grocery Store. When I get to the cashier I often wonder, why is she asking me what this vegetable is? Am I the only person who eats jicama? Then I wonder how long you’d have to be a cashier to see everything at the local Schnuck’s or Dierberg’s. Then I get the urge to eat deep-fried corn husks or whatever else exotic thing I see on the shelves.

4) Friendly strangers (not the kind of strangers who show up in your house and terrorize you, i.e. children). The staff at our new cafeteria is very friendly. One woman made a point of telling me I “always have the most interesting necklaces.” I now go visit her station whenever I’m wearing a necklace. It delights me. Because I am vain. And this is where you come in: readers, you are the friendliest strangers ever. In fact, one of you is in France and reading everything in chronological order. Hi! (Waves vigorously at France.) Hi France! Oh, no, now France is shy. Shh. Don’t pay any attention to France.

5) Turkey. So humans developed a bird so dry that you are required to serve it with thickened fat (gravy) and bread soaked in fat (dressing) and vegetables mixed with deep-fat fried vegetable (green bean casserole).

I could go on but Gary is insisting I stop typing and start making green bean casserole. Bye! Thanks again!