Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: October 2009

  • Bitter Bitter Bullets

    A CONSTANT stream of morbidly dressed children came to our door Halloween night. Gary was proud he had bought twelve bags of candy. He has decided this is exactly the right amount. Earlier (at about four in the afternoon) he had decided what we REALLY needed to rope in the kids was one of those…

  • Just a Short Update

    There are twelve bags of candy in this house. What did we say earlier? No Halloween this year? We are going out for breakfast. More later. FORECAST: SARCASM WITH GUSTS OF RIDICULE

  • The Globe

    I thought this morning of the long-gone Saint Louis Globe-Democrat. One paper came to my house, and then Dad would bring the other home with him. I asked Mom once why she read the Post, and she told me about the Pulitzers and their creed. “So why does Dad read the Globe, then?” “Because he’s…

  • Typhoid Me

    Well, hang a black wreath on the cubicles next door. Two cubicle neighbors have succumbed to the Wild Boar Flu. As a public health service I will list the symptoms of Wild Boar Flu (and I will try to be delicate). Early Symptoms: Coughing, Fever (100.5), Fatigue, Dizziness, Lightheadedness, and a symptom we will just…

  • Man On the Cusp of Male Menopause

    Gary refused to join me by the laptop to watch the replay of last week’s pre-empted House. Instead, he chose to stay in the other room and watch The Princess Diaries. This was his primary show. His secondary? Soldier. “They’re obeying orders, Sir. It’s their duty.” “Oh, your majesty, in America, it doesn’t always mean…

  • To Sleep, Perchance to Get Sick

    The elusive sleep found me yesterday just as the head of my department made a PowerPoint presentation. I stayed awake for that, but was asleep in my bed at 8:00 pm. After I slept hard till 7 a.m., I woke up with a sore throat. I have decided it’s because yesterday I coughed my Donald-Duck-Hacks-up-a-Hairball…

  • I Hoard Jeans

    I just finished the seasonal closet purge, and I heartlessly ditched suits I bought just this spring – not even because they no longer fit, or had worn out – because I had grown to hate them. I can’t turn my back on old jeans, though. You see here a progression of jeans, from 16w…

  • I Do Have Some – Well, A – Standard

    I am going back to Plaza Frontenac to purchase a few more Eileen Fisher pieces I can’ t find on-line. (Non-Natives: Plaza Frontenac is the old-money mall in town, anchored by Saks and NM.) One has to dress up to go to Plaza Frontenac. In the past I have worn my winter hat: a felt…

  • What Do Other People DO on Halloween

    Last Halloween, Gary called it. “This is our Last Halloween,” he said in disgust. “Sixty bucks worth of candy and TWO doorbell rings.” As you know, Gary doesn’t like it when guests show up wanting treats and he doesn’t have enough. So every Halloween he buys double what we’ve needed on the busiest Halloween. And…

  • I’m Sick of Health

    Hello, 2:12 am. I’ll be watching you till it’s about 4. Then I might get 3 hours of sleep. That’s how you roll now that I’m healthy; I was sick and you healed me with sleep, lo, now I am well and it’s 2 in the fucking morning. No sleep but a few hours each…