Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: September 2009

  • Labor Day Prayers

    I knew the kielbasa dinner would have Gary and his family monopolizing the in-laws’ bathroom, so I planted myself in the lesser-used master bathroom. “Hi, Jesus” I said to the shiny rosary hanging on the wall opposite me at eye level. He just stared back. I went about my business and avoided further eye contact…

  • Early September

    There is a complete cluster at the intersection of Caulk’s Hill and 94. Not only did they rebuild the intersection, but they rebuilt it so if you drive via muscle memory you merge directly into a lane of cars at 40-50 miles per hour, with no shoulder to speak of. When Gary did this today,…

  • Made Me Laugh

    Two teams comprise my work department: The Loud Team and the Quiet Team. I’m in Team Quiet. Both teams are moving into a new building, so there’s a new seating chart. Someone noticed that the central corridor of cubicles houses ALL the members of Team Loud AND the two noisy rebels of Team Quiet. Anne…

  • Just When I Thought I Was Out… They Pull Me Back In

    It began simply. Brownies for breakfast. Team Leader brought in some extra dark chewy ones. Really good, except for the one containing an enamel crown. My crown, of course. The enamel / metal flavor clashed with the brownie, so I didn’t swallow. Of course, I had to have the dentist cement it back in. I’ve…

  • Because I Slept All Weekend, Went to Work, Came Back, Slept

    And that equals … bullets! We’re now going to stay at the Bellagio, the same week as the World Series of Poker. I want to learn how to read people’s faces to see if they’re lying. Even better, I want to learn Hellströmism. (I want to read body language to detect where people have hidden…