Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: August 2009

  • Before

  • Étouffée, Brutus?

    Steve from work mentioned a great restaurant. He said there was a nice atmosphere, good food, live music. I tried to remember the name of it today when Gary and I headed out for lunch. “Harvest?” I was waiting for Gary. “No, something with a G. It’s on Olive. It’s two words. Greek Harvest? Good…

  • 2:30-3:30 This Afternoon

    My neuropsychiatrist appointment was at 2:00 today. Usually I listen to Get in Line on the way there; this time I forgot. This is what we call foreshadowing. Saint Johns MERCY! Medical Center is undergoing renovations, so I had to come in the back way. And so, it was a hunt to find my usual…

  • Anheuser-Busch*

    MS can tweak your senses. Some people have visual hallucinations, some people have hyperacusis, and if you asked me today I’d say I have hypomanic smelling. I smelled stuff all DAY. There was a wheaty smell all through the office, for example. I plunked down in Marcia’s cube and thought “Ah, Marcia had tuna fish…

  • Male Secret REVEALED

    Last night, when Gary was talking, he let slip one of the great Male Secrets. REVEALED: Why don’t some men ever finish projects? Gary said, “I don’t really want to finish putting together the TV system. Right now it’s all strung across the living room and your room and I can imagine how great it’s…

  • Coping Mechanisms

    1. Diagnose yourself. I’ve decided now I have something called something vaguely like “Hydrogenating supprativa,” only I look a lot better than the photos on Google Images. DON’T LOOK AT THE PHOTOS. I read the word “Inflammation” and that it gets worse around ones period, and there’s even a stage 2. 2. Remember. Even if…

  • The Monthly Visitation from Aunt Flo Who Stays Out On the Porch and No Longer Goes Inside

    I took my crotch to the crotch doctor for the monthly swelling and bleeding of the alternating labia. When I apologized for bothering him with a matter obviously not life-or-death, he mentioned Cancer. (CANCER SHOUTOUT NUMBER ONE.) He peered at me and saw the problem. He drew a picture of my vulva and said, “You…

  • Gary the Ogre

    Someone at work offered to let me borrow one of the “Sookie Stackhouse” novels for Gary, who has become a big True Blood fan. I said, “Oh, no, he wouldn’t want to borrow a book. He’d want his own.” “Well, I don’t really mean ‘borrow;’ he could have it.” “Oh, no that would be even…

  • The Sentient Labia

    (Damn. That’s what I should have called this blog.) I’ve always known my hair can hear when I make a haircut appointment. My hairs unite and bid for a last minute reprieve. “We were just getting it together, man. Look at us, how full and shiny. You can’t cut us now.” I’ll cut you, man.…

  • Memory.zip

    … the 1974 Leonids were described as “startling” by Norman W. McLeod of Punta Gorda, Florida. He had Leonid rates of up to 40 per hour and about half of the 179 Leonids that he witnessed left trains, in some cases up to 3 minutes. Another report, from Virginia Beach cited the train left by…