Today the Man is the Missouri Department of Motor Vehicles. I don’t know the Man’s scam in other states, but Missourians have to get plastic stamps to stick on our license plates every year.
Back in the day (1980) I would pull my Mustang with its gutted seatbelts into the gas station; the mechanics would glance at it; I’d take my inspection and 15 bucks to the DMV. Nowadays, the Man has more requirements for me: proof of insurance, proof I paid my property tax, a VALID safety inspection (bastards!), a personal check, and they keep threatening I’ll need my passport soon.
A few years back they added the bullshit emissions test, available only at these special single-purpose emissions testing stations. Sometimes I’d luck out and they’d send my a form that said I’d driven past one of their magic vans and I’d been tested SURREPTITIOUSLY FROM THE BEHIND and I had passed. Passed emissions. Whatever.
The last day of last month I went, looked around, and announced to the line, “I believe I will gladly pay the $25 fine not to wait here.” Then I realized I didn’t have my emissions test anyway, so I went driving off to FIND one of THE SPECIAL emissions TESTING STATIONS since I hadn’t been VISITED by the emissions fairy in the magic van. I went right to where it had been always and it was not there.
BECAUSE THE MAN got rid of the special station, and the magic van, for God knows why, and did not tell me. Perhaps the Fox 4 News Team told me, but I was not listening to them, and I suppose this is a situation beneath Wolf Biltzer’s attention. Anyway, I am highly annoyed at the Man. He makes me submit to unreasonable requests and then he jacks with me.
I could have driven everywhere looking to cut in front of a magic fairy emissions van.
I know I should be happy, but I am annoyed. The Man is a turdbunny.
19 responses to “In Which I Am Trodden Down By The Man!”
I was just going to say there are no more emissions testing stations anymore. You just take it to a regularly “fix it” shop like Dobbs.
Hahahaha! Hoosiers don’t have to deal with that stuff…yet.
It’s been in Jersey for years. You never, ever, ever take your car to the state inspection station. Ever. You take it to the little place up the road where somebody’s Cousin Tony gives it the once over, slaps a sticker on it, and you give Cousin Tony $75. Or $125. Or whatever it is now. The only time my car ever failed inspection was when I took it to the “free” state inspection center.
You think you’ve got it hard? We have to do this EVERY SIX MONTHS. So there.
Go to the Mobil at Mid Rivers Mall Drive and Hwy N. By the Pizza Street with the dancing pizza slice mascot. Safety inspection and emissions testing.
.75 – You knew this and didn’t tell me?Zayrina – Oh, so not fair. But half your crazy state doesn’t follow daylight savings time. Scofflaws!Becs – Okay, those rates are insane. But, it sounds like you don;t have to wait at the DMV. But – then how did Fountains of Wayne get the inspiration for “Yolanda Hayes?” Big Dot – Oh, good god! Why? Is it because you used to be convicts? 3 – Walk-ins welcome? Will the pizza slice be there?
Repeats: No, we were never convicts, that’s the other lot you’re thinking of, over the Tasman.
It’s because cars used to be so expensive here and people kept them on the road so long that overseas visitors thought they’d come to the automobile afterlife. It’s to make sure they’re still roadworthy. Even though now we drive modern cars with radios and air-conditioning and all those new-fangled gadgets.
Big Dot – Gary and I keep our cars 10-15 years. It is evidently the Kiwi way.
The shop I take my car to has mechanics with the adjectives “Big” and “Little” attached to their names, and they only extort, I mean charge, $55.
Of course, I didn’t have $55, so I waited on the line on Monday. It took me an hour and 20 minutes, but I passed! I almost fainted when the guy told me I passed.
You have reminded me how sad I am that the Fountains of Wayne store is out of business. How I loved looking at those awful, awful fountains whenever I was driving by Willowbrook mall.
You didn’t ask me!
How did you manage to get a safety inspection without an emissions now that you get them both at the same place?Also, you can usually go online to renew your plates if you have all the certificate numbers and stuff, but I’m not sure if you can do it with the new plates or if you’re pushing (or past) the deadline. I’ve never done it since I never do it far enough in advance.
Oh – and the dancing pizza wasn’t at Pizza Street yesterday, but the kids and I were.
Tami – Becs has spoken of them too. I must google them now..75 – I believe you know I own a car.Caroline – Because … um … I still haven’t gotten either one. But I will tomorrow.
Queen – of course there’s a wait. In Jersey, it’s a given. It’s just a matter of how long the line is, how short your fuse is and whether or not you’re carrying concealed.
Becs – Dang. I was about ready to move to Jersey. And I was expecting a grand fountain like we had at Indiana U, some wonky-looking Mermaid. Instead it’s ugly yard fountains. Locals: think World Outdoor Emporium.
My daughter has decided we need a silver Statue of Liverty (her v, not my typo) from the great Emporium for our front yard. That would drive the Lawn Nazi appropriately nuts.
Caroline – What a slap in the face to a Nazi! I know someone who tried very hard to temporarily rent a King Kong.
There’s an inflatable gorilla floating somewhere between Grand Cayman and Jamaica. At least there was the first week of December thanks to the high winds during our cruise.
Caroline – It’s probably killed a porpoise by now.