Queen Mediocretia of Suburbia

Putting the TMI in absentminded

Month: May 2009

  • I Blame the Red Car

    I tried to avoid the ClusterConstruction that is now Highway 94, and I took the back way to work Friday. I was tooling along happily (drugs!) listening to Carbon leaf (rock and roll) and I saw a motorcycle cop up ahead. Zoom! I whizzed past the officer. “He’s out here looking for some teenagers to…

  • That Thing You Brigadoon

    I believe I’ve mentioned this before: once when I was in high school, I got a little lost at the St. Louis Art Museum. I know there was an archway, and a hall by the elevator, and down half a flight of steps and suddenly I was in a room with a long lineup of…

  • Spunky is crushing your head!

    A closeup.

  • Toedown throwdown

    Jammies, top this!

  • Nuts

    I just cleaned all the half eaten cans of nuts out of the pantry. Gary likes nuts.but this is nutty.

  • Happy World MS Day to Me!

    Yesterday was the first ever World MS Day. Did anyone say, “Hey, Ellen, Happy World MS Day?” No. Here is how World MS Day turned out for me: 1) No one gave me anything, in fact I spent most of the day trying to figure out who stole all the money in my wallet. Turns…

  • Insecurities

    Not good with money. Not good with math. Don’t know nothin’ ’bout securities, don’t know much economy. not in eighths .” Oh, yeah, and when the HELL did you change that rule, turdbunnies? Oh! 2001! OH! OH! Thank you for telling me! (And actually, thank God you changed that rule, because I would be flat-out…

  • A Curious Memorial Day

    This must be the first year I realized I had no one to memorialize on Memorial Day. I know Memorial Day is the day the pools open, and I remember asking my Dad the difference between Memorial Day and Veterans’ Day (a bit of a life-or-death question). But when it comes to a connection to…

  • Burger Queen

    I have a lump of burger in my belly. Why? Memorial Day at the in-laws. The in-laws are wanna-be vegetarians. They will happily eat food with a face; they just don’t want to see the face. The face or the wings or legs or any body part that may remind them the animal walked or…

  • Phone Sex

    The Caller ID showed the same firm who had called three times a day the last week. I picked up and gave an annoyed “Hello?” Silence. But at least not a hangup. I repeated, “Helllloooooooo.” The caller said, “Hello? Hello?” “yeesssssssssssssssssssssss.” “Is this Mrs – Skuh … skuh …. skuh – mid -it?” I am…